The Sohma Family Trip to Hell
by tootsieflop
Summary: The Sohmas take a weird trip across the world! You know what that means...secret agents,mean moose,a little romance, and craziness! I'm not so great at summaries but just read and review!
1. A Weird Moose and Precious AC

Disclaimer: Aw mow, how thou wish thou owned tis Fruits Basket, but alas, thou does not.(sounds kind of poetic doesn't it?) And now I bring to you Chapter 1! Enjoy!

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><p>It was another hot summer day at Shigure's house. Kyo sat on the floor of the kitchen, trying to cool off on the semi-cold tiles.<br>"Why the hell is it so damn hot?" he yelled to no one in particular.  
>"It might be because you broke the air conditioner last week with that weird incident about the moose eating Yuki's cheese and him attacking you for it." answered Shigure, who was trying to get into the kitchen.<br>Kyo stared at the wall and thought about what had happened that fateful morning...  
>-FLASHBACK-<br>Kyo opened the refrigerator door and took out the milk. Walking over to the table, he dropped into a chair and was about to start chugging when Yuki walked down the stairs, still half asleep.  
>"Noo...No! Stay back you moose!" Yuki muttered.<br>Kyo looked up and stared at Yuki like he was a weirdo. "Yo ratboy, what are you talking about?"  
>"Get away! "Leave my cheese alone!" Yuki said. "What do you mean?" Kyo asked again. Yuki shouted, "Move you stupid moose, that's mine!" and rushed toward Kyo. "What the-!" Kyo rose up and jumped out of the way as Yuki barreled past him.<br>"What the hell are you doing, you freak?" Yuki muttered something else and ran towards Kyo again, this time grabbing him and putting him in a headlock, forcing his mouth open, and shoving the nearest item into his mouth. Unfortunately for Kyo, that item was a half-emptied, open jar of hot sauce, and when Kyo tasted that sauce, he had to find some way to get himself away from the fiery inferno of heat that blasted through his mouth. Kyo threw Yuki off of him, ran to the air conditioning controls and turned the air up to the highest point.  
>Soon, Kyo realized that an ac would take a while to get blowing, so he ran back to the kitchen and found his milk. Kyo chugged that gallon of milk until he was happy and stopped sweating. He went over to Yuki and punched him in the face.  
>Bad idea for Kyo.<br>"What the heck?" Yuki shouted and finally woke up. "Oh crap." Kyo thought as Yuki walked toward him with a murderous look in his eye. By the time Tohru and Shigure came downstairs, Kyo was lying on the floor of the kitchen, knocked out. "Oh no Kyo!" Tohru exclaimed and bent down to check on him. "What's going on down here?" Shigure asked Yuki. "Wait...did Kyo attack you while you were asleep again?"  
>"I...don't even remember really...all I remember is that damn moose was trying to eat my cheese! So I gave the moose a drink and then I felt Kyo punch me for no reason so I knocked him out." Yuki explained.<br>Kyo suddenly jumped up and ran to the table, grabbed the last of the milk and went to the a/c. "Kyo-kun are you better already?" Tohru called. Kyo paid no attention to her, and started to mumble,"Damn moose! Damn cheese! Damn milk!" Shigure said, "Kyo what are doing with my precious a/c and that milk?"  
>"I am killing the moose!" Kyo screamed like an insane person and punched the ac controls,poured milk over the buttons, and short-circuited the entire thing. "Finally! The moose is dead!" Kyo laughed maniacally and ran upstairs.  
>Yuki said, "I didn't want to kill the moose..."<br>Tohru stood there open mouthed while Shigure sobbed,"My a/c! Oh my poor, dead moosified a/c!  
>-END OF LONG FLASHBACK-<br>"-And that is why it is so hot Kyo." Shigure finished. "Oh yeah...but you did ask the main house to send someone to fix it right?" Kyo asked.  
>"Well duh. I'm not going to burn up because of you." Shigure replied as he stepped over Kyo and sat down in the kitchen.<br>"Whatever! When is this person supposed to get here and fix the damn thing anyway?" Kyo retorted.  
>On cue, the doorbell rang just then and there. "Kyyyoooo...will you answer the door?" Shigure whined.<br>"No. It's too hot to move." Kyo argued.  
>"Please Kyo-kun?"<br>"No! Get it yourself!"  
>Shigures teary eyes poked over the top of his trademark fan and he said,"Well I guess we'll just have to let Tohru get up and walk all the way over here to the answer the door. How sad."<br>Kyo jumped up and on the way out he said,"No I'll get the damn door you lazy dog."  
>Shigure smiled and plopped his feet up. "Works every time."<br>Kyo reached the door and opened it to see Hatsuharu standing on the door looking confused and hot. He was dressed in all black that looked extremely uncomfortable in this heat. "What's up Haru." Kyo greeted him.  
>"SHHH! No time to talk! Let me in quick!" Haru said as he rushed past Kyo and closed and locked the door. "Haru what's going on?" Kyo asked as he stood there in bewilderment.<br>"I have some urgent news to tell you that can determine the great balance between life and death, of every mystery of the universe, and of the essence of the world!"  
>"Whoa! What is going on? Haru you've got to tell me!" Kyo said in complete awe.<p>

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><p>*insert creepy music here* Whoa...this is getting creepy good... If you want to find out Haru's super important news, watch out for the next chapter coming soon! (Hopefully)<p> 


	2. Unremembered Secret and Maniac Lover

Disclaimer: I do not own Furuba so don't say anything. :)

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><p>"Well come on Haru! What's this important secret that you have?" Kyo repeatedly asked Hatsuharu, who was sitting in the living room.<br>"It's a secret Kyo! Now stop shouting out loud like that. Someone could hear you!"  
>"Well if you would just tell me then I wouldn't get that loud you stupid cow! Now tell me your freaking secret!" Kyo yelled as his temper flared. "Well you didn't have to be so damn rude about it..." Haru pouted.<br>"Oh jeez are you gonna sit there and whine about it?" Kyo asked dryly.  
>"Maybe, or maybe not."<br>"What kind of answer is that?"  
>"Its my answer."<br>"Shut up already!"  
>"Only if you apologize."<br>"Apologize? For what?"  
>"Hurting my feelings..."<br>"You've got to be kidding...Are you serious?"  
>"Do it unless you want me to go black."<br>_'Ugh, he's so damn annoying when he goes black, so I guess I gotta apologize...'_ Kyo thought to himself. "Fine. I'm sorry."  
>"That wasn't sincere. Say it like you mean it."<br>"Wha-? Fine then! I'm so sorry that you're sad! There!"  
>"Nope, it doesn't count because you yelled at me."<br>"Why you little-"  
>"You're only making it worse..."<br>Kyo was just about fed up with Haru's nonchalant ways about apologizing the right way. "Ok ya damn cow, I'll give you the motherload of all apologies!" Kyo shouted as he pushed Haru into the chair, got down on one knee, and bowed his head. "Dear Hatsuharu-san! Please humbly accept my apology!" Kyo apologized like his semi-deranged cousin Ritsu.  
>At that exact moment, a curious Shigure and a just woken up Yuki walked into the living room.<br>"..." was all Kyo could muster as he thought about what the scene looked like.  
>"Oh Kyo! I didn't know that you were proposing...and to Hatsuharu nonetheless..." Shigure teased.<br>"What in the world is going on down here? I'm can't even take one little nap! and Haru, when did you get here?" Yuki questioned.  
>"Hi Yuki. Kyo's apologizing to me for hurting my feelings."<br>"What, no hi to me?" Shigure pouted.  
>"Well that's nice and all but would you keep your promising love down?" Yuki said.<br>"Hey!" Kyo exclaimed. "I was not proposing!"  
>"Well it looks like that to me." said Shigure.<br>"Whatever. Haru's here to tell me something super important...so shut up and let him talk." Kyo said as he stood up and sat down.  
>"Super important? Oooh! Drama! I wanna hear!" Shigure squealed.<br>"Shut up. Let him talk, Shigure." Yuki said, since he had gotten interested.  
>"Oh yeah...I was supposed to be telling you something.." Haru said.<br>"Yeah, so come on." Yuki urged.  
>"Hmm...I can't remember..." Haru pondered.<br>"What? Aww come on! You were making a big fuss to try and tell me!" Kyo yelled.  
>"Well if you hadn't made me sad then I would be telling you the secret instead of having this boring conversation now, right?" Haru told him.<br>"Ooh! He got you good! Ooh! Roasted! Do you need a side of ice with that burn?" Shigure screamed like he was on some kind of reality tv show. "Shigure, come on. That was hardly a burn. That wasn't even funny." Yuki said oh-so-boringly.  
>"Why are we having this stupid conversation!" Kyo asked, confused and mad.<br>"I will find out your secret Haru!" he called over his shoulder as he stormed out of the room.  
>"Victoria has a secret and everybody knows except for Kyo! Ooohh! Burnt that English muffin!" Shigure still yelled like a 8-year-old picking on some other kid.<br>"Wow. My 28-year-old cousin is acting like a little kid and trying to roast Kyo. How pathetic." Yuki said to himself.  
>"Man...that was nice..." Shigure mumbled to himself as he left the room to find Tohru to make some lunch.<br>Haru was still thinking about his unrememerable secret. "Yuki, I'm pretty sure that the secret has something to do with all of the zodiac...but I just can't figure it out."  
>Suddenly, Yuki had a question. "Hmm...hey Haru?"<br>"Yeah?"  
>"How long did it take you to get here?"<br>"Only a few minutes.I came through the front door and followed Kyo to the living room."  
>"No, I mean to get to the house."<br>"Oh, I went over the hills, past the windmills, followed the leprechauns, ate a sandwhich, and finally listened to the geico gecko about my car insurance and how it doesn't always have to be 15 minutes."  
>Yuki knew better than to ask Haru any more long confusing questions or else he'd get more random weirdness from him. So instead he asked, "How many days Haru?"<br>"I'd say 6." Haru replied in a nonchalant bored kind of way. "Of course..." Yuki said.  
>-MEANWHILE-<br>Kyo sat on top of the roof, looking down into the yard and surrounding area. He was trying to calm down from the craziness of his family.  
>'What is up with those wackjobs...I just hope that nobody else comes...'<br>It was as if fate was trying to stab Kyo in the back, sit him on a chair, and force him to watch the dreaded show of BARNEY, because at that moment, a cloud of dust mushroomed in the distance.  
>"What the hell?" Kyo said. Suddenly, the dust cloud started making it's way toward the house, and a sreeching voice came along with it.<br>"HI MY KYO-KUN! I'M HERE TO SEE YOU!" Kagura's loving scream called out.  
>"Holy shit!" Kyo yelled and jumped off the roof and ran into the forest. "Why the hell is SHE here?"<br>"Come here Kyo-kun!" the maniac lover yelled as she barreled through the trees.  
>Shigure was stepping out of the house and into the yard for a peaceful walk through the forest...<br>Poor Shigure never saw her coming and was flattened into the ground with footsteps all over him. "Why oh why must she harm me?" he cried out in pain to the sky."Why?"  
>"Oh Shigure!" Tohru cried as she stepped out of the house. "What happened?"<br>"I take it that Kagura's here." Yuki said as he walked out of the house with Haru trailing close behind.  
>"Kagura? She's here?" Haru asked.<br>"I wonder if Kyo will be ok..."Tohru said.  
>"That Baka neko can worry about himself. Let's get Shigure inside and have some lunch." Yuki replied.<br>"Ok." Tohru said as Haru and Yuki picked up Shigure and went inside the house.  
>Once they were done with Shigure, Yuki nodded at Haru and said, "Hey Haru. I'm feeling mischievous enough to run around the house and lock all the doors and windows. Can you help me?"<br>"Sure." Haru replied, catching on.  
><em>'HA! I'd like to see that stupid cat get inside now. I'm ready for that show to start. I hope Kagura squeezes him to death.'<em> Yuki thought as he and Haru locked up the house. Haru and Yuki walked into the kitchen ready to sit down to a wonderful meal prepared by Tohru.  
>Once they were all seated and ready to eat, a thunderous sound started coming from the direction of the woods outside.<br>"The show's about to start Yuki!" Shigure excitedly said as he got up and ran to the nearest window.  
>"Although I wouldn't want to waste all of your delicious food Ms. Honda, I must see this." Yuki said as he ran to the window with Shigure.<br>They stood there grinning,waiting for the show of Kyo's pain to start.  
>"Hey guys...I think Kagura and Kyo are about to come by the house..." Haru said, late as usual.<br>"Oh, I don't want to watch. Kyo-kun might get hurt." Tohru said worriedly and buried her face into her hands.

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><p>Please review cuz it makes me want to prance in a field with unicorns and glitter and...well you know. I'll write more. Review please!<p> 


	3. The Fleeing of Kyo and Sad FAILING

This chapter is dedicated to my second reviewer: Esther-chan! Thanks for the encouragement! :3

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is not owned by me...(*sigh*)

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><p>"Kagura you stay the hell away from me!" Kyo screamed as he stood in the yard in a fighting stance.<br>Nothing moved. Not one thing. The only humans that he saw were Shigure and Yuki pressed up in the window in the kitchen.  
>"Ya damn rat! Ya stupid dog! Come out here and help me!" Kyo yelled at them.<br>They shook their heads no and grinned even harder. Shigure left for a moment and came back with a piece of paper. He held it up to the window. It read: Kyo don't do the following: 1. Break any part of my house. 2. Get blood on my house 3. Throw Kagura on my house.  
>Enjoy your death sentence! :)<br>Kyo's eye twitched as Yuki took down the sign and read it. He then turned and high-fived Shigure. Haru came up behind them with his hand up, but Yuki and Shigure had already turned back to the window. Of course Haru was late, so he walked away, head bent in sadness, with his hand slowly lowered in an empty gesture. Kyo looked past his idoitic family members and tried to spot Kagura. He needed to know if it was safe to run into the house and escape the loving pain and headache that was Kagura.  
>"Kagura..." Kyo called. "Where are you?"<br>No answer.  
>"Kagura, if you're not out here, then I'm leaving."<br>Still no reply.  
>Kyo glanced back at his cousins in the window. ' I am NOT going to let them see me get creamed by Kagura...That's it! I'll climb up onto the roof and see if I can find Kagura...if she doesn't come towards me, then I can go through the window into the house and lock the doors and<br>be SAFE AND SOUND!' he thought to himself.  
>Kyo looked around on last time, and then made a break for the house. He ran to the side of the house and managed to clamber over it to the roof. Kyo stood up and looked around. He saw no sign of Kagura anywhere. "HA! I made it all the way up here and I'm still in one piece. I will SURVIVE!" he told the single crow that sat looking at him. "I bet those damn cousins of mine are feeling very stupid right now. Now to find a window and get inside..."<br>-INSIDE THE KITCHEN-  
>"Where the heck is my show of pain?" Shigure yelled at the window.<br>"I know exactly what that stupid cat is planning, and I've already locked up the house. He WILL be pounded into SMITHEREENS!" Yuki told Shigure triumphantly. Haru stood up and walked over to Yuki. " With my help of course." he reminded Yuki.  
>"Oh yeah, high-five Haru, high-five." Yuki said as he and Haru did a victory high-five.<br>"I wanna high-five for evil purposes too!" Shigure pouted as he ran up behind them with his hand raised.  
>"NO! FEEL THE SADNESS THAT I FELT WHEN I DIDN'T GET IN YOUR HIGH-FIVE! SUFFER!" Haru pointed to Shigure.<br>"B-b-but I like high-fives..." Shigure sobbed.  
>"WHO CARES?" Haru screamed."Leave now you non-fiver!" Shigure ran out of the room, came back and made a plate of food, thanked Tohru, and then ran sobbing with his mouth full of lunch out of the door.<br>"Yeah...what just happened here?" Yuki asked, completely bewilderd.  
>"I had to do it,Yuki. I had to."<br>"Ok...let's eat lunch and then go see if Kyo is still alive or not, alright?" Yuki said.  
>"Sure. Sorry for the noise, Tohru." Haru said.<br>"Umm...no problem, Hatsuharu-san. Let's just have lunch." a confused Tohru replied.  
>-BY THE ROOFTOP WINDOW-<br>"Why the hell is this window locked?" an angry Kyo asked the crow. It just sat there and stared at him like he was a crackhead.  
>"What the heck are you staring at?"<br>No reply. Just a stare.  
>"If you're not going to do anything else then come over here and help me with this window!"<br>Still no reply. Just an empty, crow-y stare.  
>"Look at me. I'm talking to a bird. I'm going crazy. It's not like it can talk back." Kyo muttered to himself.<br>"Hellllllooooo Kyo-kun!" the crow said.  
>"What the- a talking bird?"Kyo screamed.<br>"Kyo-kun,what's wrong?" the crow said.  
>"You stay away from me...do you hear me? STAY AWAY!" Ko yelled.<br>"Kyo-kun, that's not very nice." the crow scolded him.  
>"Stop talking you freak!" Kyo yelled again.<br>This time a human named Kagura apperead and said to Kyo," KYO WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? I AM YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, NOT SOME FREAKY TALKING BIRD!"  
>"Kagura?" Kyo said. The crow shot up into the air, and hovered above them cawing," AHOO! AHOO! CAW! CAW!"<br>"That's right! I'm not a bird, my love!" she shouted and ran towards him.  
>"Oh hell no!" Kyo yelled and ran to the side of the roof, jumped off and ran to the nearest door. "Why is it locked?" he shouted as he pulled on the door.<br>"Kyo wait!" Kagura called as she madeher way down the ladder towards him.  
>Kyo sprinted to the next window and pulled. "Locked! Damn!"<br>"Kyo stop running away!" she said as she made her way to him.  
>Kyo made his way aorund the house, trying every door and window, but they were all locked. He ended up in front of the kitchen, right where Yuki and Haru were waiting for him.<br>"Yes! He's back! And is that Kagura behind him?" Yuki told Haru, who was by the window with him.  
>"Yuki. I'm going to find Shigure and get his plate. He must be done by now." Tohru stood up and left in an attempt to get out of the kitchen before Kagura beat up Kyo. Haru stayed and stood beside Yuki at the window.<br>"Listen Kagura." Kyo tried to talk to Kagura. 'If I get her to talk,she won't beat me up and I can go inside the house!' he contemplated.  
>"Kagura, I just want to say that you are the most wondeful person in the world." Kyo told her merrily, but ever so fakely.<br>" (*gasp*) Really Kyo-kun?" Kagura asked, her eyes shining.  
>"Yeah...you are ok...I guess..even though you're a pshycopathic stalker and maniac..."<br>Kagura's face stopped glowing and she frowned. "I'm a what? Kyo! Tell me about how I am to you! NOW!"  
>Poor Kyo had to say something or else he'd get pounded into a kitty pancake.<br>"Well..."  
>"Well? Say something else!"<br>At that moment Yuki and Haru were fed up with just watching Kyo and Kagura talk, so Yuki opened the window to hear what they were saying...  
>"Well...I know that you're way better than any girl in the world. Even...(*gulp*) Tohru..." Kyo said out loud. In his head, Kyo was screaming. 'Dammit! What the hell did I just say? NO ONE IN THE WORLD IS BETTER THAN TOHRU! Nobody! I hope no one else hears this...'<br>"Oh Kyo! I LOVE YOU!" Kagura screeched as she ran to him and gave him a choking hug."Let's go inside. She grabbed Kyo and dragged him to the front of the house.  
>Inside the kitchen, Yuki turned to Haru and said, "That BASTARD! There isn't a nicer or sweeter girl than ! I SIMPLY LOATHE that stupid cat!"<br>Haru, being lost once again said, "I can't believe it! I should have had tea to drink instead of water right?"  
>Before Yuki could help Haru understand the situation, Shigure and Tohru walked in.<br>"HARU!" Shigure yelled.  
>"Yeah?" Haru answered.<br>"FAIL. Just FAIL."  
>"But-"<br>"NO! Don't say anything. Stop before your FAIL consumes us all!"  
>"Come on Shigure..." Yuki said.<br>"Nope, he FAILED."  
>"Shigure I didn't-" Haru tried again.<br>"Would you like a side of EPIC with that FAIL?" he shouted angrily.  
>"Wait. What?" confused Yuki asked.<br>"Do I have to tell it to you too Yuki?"  
>"Hey, I'm not the one that failed. It was him." Yuki pointed at Haru. "FAILING is lame.<br>"It's also pathetic, sad, stupid, evil, bad, and an EPIC DISASTER." Shigure added.  
>"Well now I feel bad." Haru said as he pouted in a corner.<br>"Ok, ok, ok. We all feel bad because Haru failed. Now what I want to know is when the main house is going to send someone to fix my a/c. Because it's still hot!"  
>Just then, the oh-so-convient doorbell rang.<br>"I bet it's that stupid cat and Kagura." Yuki said loathingly.  
>"I bet its somebody to fix my ac!" Shigure cheered.  
>"Who cares? I failed..." Haru sulked.<br>"I wonder who it is?" Tohru said.

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><p>alrighty that's the 3rd chapter folks! hope you enjoyed it. i made it longer just for you fantastic readers. please remember to review!<p> 


	4. Planning Payback for Kyo and More Zodiac

And here's Chapter 4! Thanks to my reviewers,especially Esther-chan and YamiGirl314. You guys ROCK. Like,with an EPIC with a side of AMAZINGLY AWESOME SUCCESS. :3

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><p>"Let's see who's at the door! I hope they can fix my precious air-conditioner." a happy Shigure said as he bounced to the door.<br>"If it's that cat I'm going to kill him." Yuki muttered dangerously.  
>"Actually,I'm pretty sure that it's-" Haru tried to tell everyone.<br>"No,no,no! I bet it's Hari! Or what if the main house sent someone like-like-RITSU! Oh no..." Shigure said.  
>"It could be Akito-san himself, or it could be Hatori-san. He is a doctor. Maybe he fixes air conditioning units,too." Tohru stood thinking out loud.<br>"If that damn cat even looks at a different way now, I'll kill him!" Yuki said, evil clouding his little rat brain.  
>"If anyone wants to know, I know who's out there..." Haru tried again. Nobody was paying attention because they were too wrapped up in their own ideas of who was at the door. Poor Haru just had to wait it out.<br>-OUTSIDE THE HOUSE-  
>Kyo walked up to the house,dragging Kagura behind him. "Kyo-kun, do you wanna go see a movie?" Kagura asked Kyo.<br>"No."  
>"What about a dinner date?"<br>"No."  
>"What about-"<br>"I said no woman!" Kyo yelled.  
>"Umm...hello?" a voice called to the two people.<br>"Who's that?" Kagura asked.  
>"It is I, ever-so-handy and efficient, Carlos the Fix-It Guy!" cried the ever-so-handy,efficient, and late repair man. "I have come to fix your air conditioning unit."<br>"Oh, how nice to meet you." Kagura replied respectfully.  
>Suddenly,Kyo had an idea. 'I think I have a multiple-step plan to get back at that damn rat and dog...' Kyo thought evilly. 'Lets put this plan into action...'<br>"You are late!" Kyo screamed at Carlos.  
>"Oh...Well there was a lot of traffic..."Carlos said.<br>"Oh really?"  
>"Yeah... So do you want me to get started or what?" Carlos hefted his toolbox onto his shoulder and started for the door.<br>"No! You may not start! You have disgraced my family by being late, so you must be punished!" Kyo yelled.  
>"I have disgraced you?" Carlos asked.<br>"Yes! We are all upset! Right Kagura?" Kyo pointed to Kagura.  
>"Actually, I'm feeling pretty disgrace-less right now, and-" Kagura replied, but Kyo cut her off.<br>"Oh the shame! How could you make us feel so horrible?" Kyo moaned theatratrically.  
>"Shut the hell up woman, I'm selling it here!" he told Kagura on the side.<br>"Well! I'm so sorry for disturbing whatever it is your doing!" she huffed angrily. After that she stayed quiet.  
>"What was I saying... damn that woman..."Kyo muttered.<br>"I'm supposed to be getting punished."ever-so-helpful, Fix-It Carlos said.  
>"Oh yeah. Thanks man." Kyo thanked him. "NOW BOW DOWN AND FACE MY WRATH!" Kyo screamed.<br>"Well if it will make you happy..."  
>"No! that's not enough! You must be...YO MAMA JOKED TO THE BRINK OF MADNESS!" Kyo informed him of his sentence. Kyo had thought of the first thing that came to his head, and he remembered all those nights of Shigure practicing how to joke on someone,or in case Haru needed to be told of a FAIL.<br>-FLASHBACK-  
>Kyo walked down the hall, dressed and ready for bed,when he heard a voice coming from the bathroom.<br>"What? You think you're so bad? Huh? Well you ain't nuthin! You ain't nuthin!" Shigure yelled in the bathroom. 'What the hell is he doing? Ganging up on his rubber ducks?' Kyo thought.  
>"You damn ducks ain't nuthin without me!" Shigure said.<br>'Wow. He's an even bigger crackhead than I thought.' Kyo told himself. He decided to stay and listen for a few minutes to see what else Shigure would do.  
>"So you talkin smack 'bout me? Is that it? I'm the godfather o' games! Well then, yo mama smells so bad, she sprays on skunk cologne to lighten her smell!" Shigure told his unliving comrades. "No,no,yo mama cooks so bad, that your family prays AFTER they eat! Ooohhh!" he went on.<br>"What an idiot..." Kyo said to himself, but he still smiled.  
>"Yo mama so stupid that she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats!" Shigure laughed.<br>"Wait, It's not?" an angry Kyo yelled. For someone who loved the Meow Mix commercials, Kyo was steamed that he was wrong all these years. He left the bathroom door and slammed his room door shut. 5 minutes later, Kyo stood back outside of the door, laughing silently to himself as Shigure made fun of his rubber ducks. Later that week, Shigure came home with little bite marks and feathers all over him.  
>"I hate ducks and their stupid 'no sense of humor' thing." he had said to Kyo. And Shigure never YO MAMA JOKED to his rubber ducks again.<br>-END OF FLASHBACK-  
>"Take your punishment!" Kyo told Fix-It Carlos. "Yo mama...uhh...yo mama smells...uhh..hmm..." Kyo pondered for a joke.<br>"So...do you want me to...do something?" Carlos said.  
>"Wait,wait,wait. I almost got it...uhhh...fat...yo..mama...chicken grease...You know what? You can just leave." Kyo said bluntly.<br>"I can leave?"  
>"Yeah...NOPE! SYKE PUNK!" Kyo shouted. Now Fix-It Carlos was a soft man, so any joke against him would make him upset.<br>*sniffle* "That was so...mean...I..I...I'm leaving!" Poor Carlos grabbed his trusty toolbox and happy yellow work hat and walked away crying.  
>'Well that was easier than I thought.' Kyo said to himself. 'Ok,Now Shigure has no air for a while. Now what's for Yuki?' Kyo looked around for Kagura. "Hey Kagura, where'd you go?"<br>"I have arrived! Spotlight please!" a cheerful jolly voice called. Suddenly all the light outside dimmed to make a spotlight to point at a certain snake prancing down a rose petal covered path.  
>"What the hell?" Kyo said. As quickly as it came, the light went back to its place and four people walked up to Kyo. "Hello Kyo." Hatori said as he appeared from behind Ayame.<br>"Hiya Kyo!" said Momiji as he popped up out of nowhere.  
>"Out of my way! I must say hello to my darling cousin Kyo-Kyo." said the magnificently exuberant voice of Ayame Sohma.<br>"Kyo! Look at who pulled up in the driveway!" Kagura said.  
>Kyo's head twitched. "What are you doing here?" he asked,fully knowing the danger of Ayame's boisterous personality.<br>"Well, I'm glad you asked little Kyo-Kyo! You see, I just had to come and visit you guys because of the top secret little thing that Haru won't tell me about and so I got up and changed into some clothes and would you know that I couldn't find anything to wear although I am a man of exqusitive taste and style and-" blabbed Ayame.  
>"HEY! Just tell me why you're- wait! Haru told you to come?" Kyo exclaimed,suddenly interested.<br>"We have no idea. But what I do know is that the rest of the zodiac is having a meeting about something...Haru's behind it all." Hatori stated.  
>"That's right! We're doing something that's going to be a lot of fun!" Momiji added.<br>'Hmm...so the whole zodiac is coming huh? Let's see..I'll have Ayame do something to Yuki...YES! THIS WILL GET HIM BACK!' Kyo thought quickly. "Ayame, I need to talk to you. The rest of you go inside,but don't tell anybody that Ayame's here ok?" Kyo told them.  
>"Sure Kyo! Tell everybody that Aaya-chan is here! Got it!" Momiji said matter-o-factly.<br>"NO YOU RETARDED RABBIT! Tell them he's NOT here."  
>"Ok he's here!"<br>"No! He's not here! Tell that to them!"  
>"But he's standing right here,right Aaya-chan?"<br>"Well I would say that I am solidly standing in this very spot,so yes,I am here." Ayame stated.  
>"UGH! HATORI!"<br>"What?"  
>"Tell them all that Ayame is not here! Ok?"<br>"As long as you don't hit yourself with an elbow hammer on your left knee."  
>*silence*<br>"I...I...I don't get it..." Momiji mumbled.  
>"Umm...how about we go into the house, Hatori and Momiji?" Kagura said as she herded them to the house. "Kyo,I think Hatori tells terrible jokes.I'm going to take them to the house so that I can save everybody from the lameness of that joke!" Kagura stage-whispered. But when Kagura stage-whispered, she talked at a normal level, possibly even louder than her real voice.<br>"I'm right here you know." Hatori said.  
>"Get Hatori out of here before he melts my ears with his terrible jokes!" Kyo said.<br>*very suspicious wink* "I understand!" Kagura stage-whispered.  
>"Still standing here..." Hatori reminded them.<br>"Come on Hatori-san,Momiji, let's go!" Kagura said as she pushed them toward the house.  
>*sigh* "Nobody understands the doctor jokes..." Hatori sighed as he spiraled down a road of darkness and depression.<br>Kyo turned Ayame and led him towards the back of the house.  
>"So little cousin, what is it that you need? My magnificent sense of fashion design? Or my impeccable taste in food? Or my wise sense of...WISENESS! Hahahaha!" a hyper Ayame blabbed.<br>'Gonna get back at Yuki... Gonna get back at Yuki... It's all worth it...' Kyo thought as Ayame put another round of...well.. Ayame Talk into the afternoon air.  
>"Ok Ayame. I'm afraid that Yuki is so sad,that he is walking around forcing a smile on his face. He is so upset that he won't even talk about it! He's forcing enthusiasm!"<br>"How terrible!" Ayame cried. "My poor Yuki-kun!"  
>Kyo faked seriousness and continued on with his story. "I need you to make an outfit for him,so that he may be reminded of all the fun times that he had when he was little."<br>"I'll do it! I know, I'll find every embarrassing picture of Yuki and turn it into an outfit! And then I'll make him a whole picturebook of fun times that he had when he was little! What a wonderful idea Kyo! I'll get started right away!" Ayame said.  
>"How about you wait until after everyone gets here,and after Haru tells us the news. You can work on it tonight and bring it tomorrow."<br>"Even more brilliant! I'm so glad that I thought about it all by myself...IM SO AWESOME!" Ayame yelled as he skipped back to the house. Kyo walked back to the door, where everyone was waiting outside.  
>"Let's go in guys." Momiji said and opened the door...<br>"SOMEBODY HELP ME! AAAHHH!" Haru ran screaming out of the house. Everybody standing outside sweat-dropped as they turned back to the open door.  
>"MY EYES! THEY BURN!" Haru yelled again as he ran screaming across the lawn.<br>"What? We got tired of guessing who was at the door, so I showed Haru some of my...*cough*...adult...novels..." Shigure told them.  
>"Oh my god...Why the heck did you do that? Why didn't you just open the door?" Hatori asked, because he was forced to read the books by Shigure when they first published.<br>"He didn't want to read the children's books! I mean seriously, what is wrong with my version of Humpty Dumpty? It's a nursery rhyme!" Shigure defended himself.  
>Hatori, having read that one too,(forced again), replied, "Shigure. The book has 5 pages,has some chickenscratch for handwriting, and in the story you tell the children to stay away from walls because they might come alive and cook you in a skillet and eat you for breakfast."<br>"So? Your point is?" Shigure said. Yuki popped up out of nowhere and said, "FAIL. EPIC CHILDREN'S FAIL." *sigh*"Whatever. Everyone come in,come in." Shigure said.  
>Kyo,Kagura,Tohru,Yuki,Momiji,Hatori,Shigure and Ayame shuffled inside to the living room.<br>"Ok everyone, what are you here for?" Shigure asked the newly arrived people.  
>"Well Shigure, I thought that you would love to welcome me into your home, but perhaps I am mistaken..." Ayame sighed.<br>"Of course not dear Aaya...do you want me to take you upstairs and make you more...comfortable?" Shigure replied.  
>"Oh Shi-chan, I can't deny that offer..."<br>"What the hell? Shut up! Both of you!" Kyo shouted. "Not in front of !" Yuki yelled.  
>"Ok...ok...later...my Aaya..."<br>"Marvelous,my-"  
>"Knock it off!" an angry Kyo and Yuki screamed. A door opened in the hallway and several people filed through the door.<br>"Oh! The rest of the Zodiac are here!" Tohru exclaimed. Kisa, Hiro, Ritsu, Rin, and one upset, but still happy Haru walked into the semi-crowded room.  
>"Hey." said Rin.<br>"H-h-hello..." Ritsu said.  
>"Hi everyone!" Kisa said.<br>"Whatever." Hiro said.  
>"So,while I was outside trying to bring my eyeballs back to life and forget about that...that...book,(*shudder*), these guys appeared out of nowhere." Haru explained.<br>"Ok, so everyone is here. Haru,will you please tell us what's so important?" Shigure asked the question that everyone was dying to know about.  
>"Sure. Finally. We are going on a vacation around the world." Haru told them.<p>

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><p>AND...SCENE! That's it for chapter 4! I hope you liked it and are enjoying the storyline. Please review! It makes me so happy that I could explode.*boom* *boom* :3<p> 


	5. Revealed Secret & The Start of the Trip

Thanks to all of my reviewers! I luvs you so much! :3 Special thanks to YamiGirl314 for helping me with a part of the story!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. (That goes for all previous chapters without a disclaimer.) :3**

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><p>*silence* "Wait a second, Haru." Hatori was the first one to break the silence. "First of all, did Akito say that it would be ok? And-"<br>"And is that bastard coming or not?" Kyo yelled at the name of Akito.  
>"And-" Hatori continued. "Traveling around the world costs a A LOT of money. How are we going to pay for it?"<br>"Well...Akito WILL NOT be coming, because who wants him to come?" Nobody said anything. "See? And what do you mean, 'not have enough money'? We're Sohmas. All we have to do is steal it from Akito. He has all the money anyways. Besides, I've got it taken care of." Haru said. Everyone in the room except Tohru nodded their heads at this.  
>"I'd love to go! Would you come, Sissy?" cute little Kisa asked Tohru.<br>"Aww...I'll go then! It could be fun!" Tohru smiled.  
>"If Tohru goes, then I'm going!" Kyo and Yuki both yelled at the same time.<br>"If Kisa goes then I guess I'll put up with the pain of...you...psychotic people...and come." Hiro said reluctantly.  
>"If Kyo-kun goes, then I'm going!" Kagura squealed.<br>"Yay! I want to come too!" Momiji shouted.  
>"I'll...I'll...I'll go...I'M SO SORRY! I TOOK TOO LONG TO SAY THAT I'LL GO AND NOW YOU WILL ALL SUFFER! I'M SOOO SOOORRRYYY!" Ritsu screamed.<br>"Shigure!" everyone yelled and pointed at Ritsu.  
>"Right. Come on Ritsu, calm down...go towards the light..." Shigure said as he gently poked Ritsu in the side.<br>*teehee* "That was fun..." *poke* *poke* *poke* Shigure kept poking Ritsu until he passed out on the floor.  
>"Shigure! WE DON'T MAKE OUR RELATIVES PASS OUT COLD ON THE FLOOR!" Hatori said.<br>"*teehee* It's just so funny Hari...sorry..."  
>"Yes...You'd better be..." Hatori mumbled.<br>"Anyway, that's a yes for Ritsu..." Haru said as he pulled out a clipboard and recorded who was going.  
>"Hatori? Ayame? Shigure? Rin? Are you going?"<br>"I really don't feel like doing every single thing Akito can come up with...Kureno can. Sure I'm going." Hatori told Haru, who wrote it down. "Of course I'm coming! I wouldn't want anyone to miss me while they're gone you know!" Ayame laughed.  
>"Yeah...if it goes against Akito then hell yeah, I'm in." Rin winked at Haru.<br>"Well I'm up for it!" Shigure said. 'This way I can avoid my editor...' he thought. "Yes...HOW SOON CAN WE LEAVE?" Shigure yelled at Haru, who was in fact standing right next to him.  
>"Well if you stop shouting in my ear then I'll tell you." Haru said while he rubbed his ears. "I knew that you guys would say yes so I made a list of things to pack." Haru said as he passed out pieces of paper.<br>"Uhh...Haru? This just says,'BRING EVRYTHING." Kyo told Haru.  
>"Yep."<br>"So why did you get this whole sheet of paper for just two words..." Kyo wondered.  
>"Hey Haru, when are we leaving?" Momiji asked.<br>"We are leaving tomorrow morning, so go home and pack. Don't forget the snacks." Shocked faces stared at Haru. Choruses of "What?" and "That's not enough time!" and "Who's bringing the chips?" bounced around the room.  
>"Come on guys. If you pack everything and get it ready then you can get on the private airplane that's our transportation." Haru informed them. Now he heard, "Who said anything about time?" and "I'm going home right now to pack." and "Somebody please wake up Ritsu, he's in the middle of the floor."<br>"Wait!" Haru yelled. "One more thing." Rin, Hiro, Momiji, Hatori, Ayame, Kisa, Kagura, and Ritsu paused at the door. "Tomorrow morning at 8:00, everyone meet here and then we'll drive up to the airport. Let's try to make this go as smootly as possible. DO NOT TELL AKITO WHERE WE ARE GOING. Peace." Haru concluded. Everyone started to file out of the room and outside. Once outside, Kyo grabbed Ayame's arm and pulled him to the side. "Ayame, remember to bring Yuki's outfit. He is still in PAIN."  
>"But my little brother looked so normal today, he didn't look sad at all!" Ayame said.<br>"But that's because of his deep pain on the inside! Remember the forced enthusiasm? That was it!" Kyo tried to convince Ayame.  
>"Are you sure? Are you absolutely positively sure that my brother is spiraling down into a deep dark depression that cannot be changed by anything other than my love in the form of an outfit of pictures?" Ayame asked, in suspicion.<br>"Are Hatori's doctor jokes funny?"  
>"No offense to Hari but... no. They are most definitely not funny."<br>"I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE! You people are unbelievable!" Hatori yelled. He ran away and got into his car, and honked at the others to hurry up.  
>"Then yeah, Yuki's sad." Kyo turned back to Ayame.<br>"Ok! I'll have the outfit by tomorrow! In fact he can wear it on the trip! How wonderful!" Ayame pranced away towards the car,thinking of ideas for one of the most embarrassing outfits for a teenager of all time. Now the only one left at Shigure's house was Haru.  
>"Alright guys, I'm headed home to pack. Remember to NOT TELL AKITO." Haru reminded everyone.<br>"I don't need that bastard coming with us." Kyo said.  
>"But what if Akito-san wants to come and have fun with us?" Tohru wondered.<br>"I don't think Akito would like to come anyway,. Probably too many people for him." Yuki replied.  
>"Ok..." Tohru said, still not convinced.<br>"Besides! I wouldn't want him trying to share you, Tohru my flower! He'd hog you! And I want to make sure you're all to myself...In fact, let's get our very own private plane and our very own bed..." Perverted Shigure smoothly intervened. As usual, Yuki and Kyo delivered their trademark punch and kick combo and sent Shigure flying into the house.  
>"Oh Shigure!" Tohru exclaimed and she went inside.<br>"Well I guess that's good night Haru. I'll see you tomorrow then." Yuki left the door and went upstairs to pack.  
>"Hey Haru? How did you manage to get all of this done? Why did you suddenly want all of us to go on this trip?" Kyo questioned.<br>"Umm..." was Haru's reply.  
>"What-" Kyo laughed jokingly."Are you some kind of secret agent that has to protect the family from something because some crazy madman wants us for something?"<br>"Uhh...kinda..." Haru said.  
>"Yeah ok Haru,night-WAIT WHAT?" Kyo turned for a second and did a double-take. "Are you a freaking secret agent?"<br>"No...well, not really a secret agent anymore since you know..."  
>"HARU!"<br>"Well yeah, I am. I'm working with the SZS or Secretive Zodiac Society."  
>"You're kidding me."<br>"Nope. I've got my own codename and everything. Although I wanted it to be Codename:Imakick Urass, the boss back at HQ said that it wasn't agency material..."  
>"Hey Haru, I appreciate the laughs, but I've got to go pack."<br>"What you think this is a joke? I'm serious Kyo!"  
>"Yeah,yeah,yeah, and I'm the king of cats at school."<br>"I'd say more of a queen you pansy, but yes! Cats flock you every day!"  
>"Whatever! It's not like we're in danger or something!"<br>"Maybe just a little bit...Akito is trying to-"  
>"Of course. Akito wants to do completely evil things. It's not like he doesn't do them anyway!"<br>"That's because the agency is stopping him! He attempts to do them,but then stops in the name of law!" Haru held up a fist in righteousness.  
>"What are you doing?"<br>"I have no idea..."  
>"Jeez. I wonder how they let you become a secret agent."<br>"So you believe me?"  
>"Nope, I still think that you're a crackhead wasting my packing time."<br>"Remember that when Akito tries to stop us from leaving tomorrow! I might not try to save you guys!"  
>"Whatever Haru...I'm going to go pack,good luck on your whole fake secret agent thing. Good night." Kyo closed the door in his face and walked upstairs to pack. "He'll see...they'll all see...The truth shall prevail!" Haru thrust his righteous fist back into the air.<br>"I've got to stop doing that...its starting to creep me out..." and with that Haru went home to pack.  
>-AKITO'S SECRET HIDEOUT-<br>"Well,well,well...my Zodiac plus that cat and Tohru Honda are taking a 'vacation' around the world." a cold,creepy voice reverberated around the cavernous room. "I don't know which one of those little brats is the secret agent, but I do know that I will stop them!" Akito evilly planned.  
>"They didn't even invite me! How rude! I mean you could at least send a letter or something! I like vacations too...*sniffle*",Kureno, Akito's #1 right-hand man muttered.<br>"Hush Kureno! It's evil-laughing time!"  
>"Huh? Oh yeah right! Mwheeheehee! Mwheeheehee! Mwhee-"<br>"Kureno! STOP!"  
>"Huh? Why weren't you laughing too?"<br>"Because some idiot trying to evil laugh is sounding like a little girl!"  
>"What idiot-HEY! I'll have you know that some little girls are terrifying, especially the ones that-"<br>"Kureno! Laugh with me! The RIGHT WAY."  
>"This isn't Burger King. You have no power over THE WAY. Because the slogan is,'Have it your way.' I think..." Kureno scoffed.<br>Akito stared at him like he was a crackhead.  
>"Hey Kureno?"<br>"Yes?"  
>"FAIL!"<br>"Wha-? Why?"  
>"Because you can't evil laugh. Now go sit in the corner and put on those big earphones. I don't want you to hear my perfect evil laughing and copy it. Now go."<br>"Fine..." *whimper* "I don't like evil laughing anyway..." *tear*. Kureno sadly walked to the nearest table,grabbed some giant headphones,adjusted them on his head, and sat in the corner.  
>'That FAILing business was fun...I'll have to do it again soon...' Akito told himself. "Now! Evil laughing time! BWHAHAHAHAH! BWHAHAHAHAH! BWHAHAHAHAH!<br>-Shigure's House the Next Morning-  
>"Are you guys ready to go?" chirped Shigure as he walked around the living room checking his, Yuki's, Tohru's and Kyo's bags.<br>"Hey! Will you shut up Shigure? It's 7:00 in the morning. Stop yelling like an idiot." Kyo told a hyper Shigure.  
>"I'm just so excited! We're finally leaving this stupid house!"<br>"But Shigure-san, this is your house..." a confused Tohru said.  
>"Yes, but Kyo and Yuki have beaten up my house so much that it now has to be called,'stupid.'" Shigure replied.<br>"Ok..." Tohru said,who was still confused.  
>"Speaking of that rat,where the heck is he?" Kyo asked.<br>"Everyone else should be arriving here soon. Then we'll be leaving. Yuki has to wake up." Shigure said. "Who wants to go wake him up?" *silence*  
>"Well I'm not doing it." Shigure scoffed.<br>"And why the hell not?" Kyo demanded.  
>"Well for starters I'm an adult and I don't go around waking up kids. And also,*little kids voice* Yuki is scarryy in da wee morning!" Shigure whined.<br>"You hardly ever act like an adult! You're such a baby if you're scared of that damn rat!"  
>"I'll do it Kyo." Tohru piped up.<br>"No. Tohru, I will not put you in harm's way!"  
>"It's fine Kyo. I have to go and check the other rooms anyway. I'll wake Yuki-kun up."<br>"No wait Tohru-" Kyo tried to stop Tohru but she determinedly strode up the stairs. After checking all of the other rooms for any left baggage, Tohru stopped in front of Yuki's bedroom. 'I hope Yuki-kun is in a good mood this morning. I'll make him a wonderful breakfast to celebrate on the trip!' Tohru thought as she opened Yuki's door. It was dark inside his room. Tohru picked her way lightly over Yuki's various odds and ends scattered on the floor. She edged closer to the bed. "Yuki-kun it's time to wake-" A hand came flying out of the darkness and grabbed Tohru's arm. "Why are you trying to wake me up? Can't you see that I'm trying to sleep?" Yuki's voice rang through the room.  
>"Oh! Yuki! I'm sorry,its just that it's time to-" Another hand dragged Tohru to the side of the bed,and Yuki's face appeared.<br>"I will make you pay for this you damn moose! Do you hear me? It's mine!" Yuki whispered dangerously, still half-asleep.  
>"AAAHHH! I-I-I'm s-sorry!" Tohru ran screaming from the room,clutching her arm.<br>"That's right you stupid moose I'll break your leg or arm or-WAIT A SECOND?" But Tohru was too busy running down the stairs and back into the living room with Kyo and Shigure. "Yu-yuki...arm...s-s-scary...bad moose..." Tohru stuttered.  
>"Tsk,tsk,tsk. I told you it would be bad, Kyo. Yuki's scary in the morning." Shigure tsked.<br>"You didn't! Now shut up and answer the door while I take care of Tohru!" Kyo yelled. While Shigure was scolding Kyo, the doorbell was being rung repeatedly.  
>"Fine ." Shigure muttered and went to answer the door. Kyo took Tohru into the kitchen and treated the bruise on her arm, and promised to sit next to her on the whole trip,in case of another bad morning with calmed down and smiled brightly. Then they walked into the living room to find Ritsu,Momiji,Kagura,Hiro,Kisa,and Rin waiting and ready to go. "Hello everyone!" Tohru smiled.<br>"Good morning Tohru!" Momiji and Kisa chorused.  
>"Whatever." Hiro said.<br>"Sup." Rin said.  
>"Good morning my lovely Kyo!" Kagura said as she squeezed Kyo.<br>"H-h-hello everyone." Ritsu quietly said.  
>"So guys," Shigure walked up. "Where's Hari,Aya, and Haru?"<br>"Hari and Aya are loading our bags into this giant shuttle bus that's taking us to the airport!" Momiji excitedly announced.  
>"Okay. What about Haru? He's supposed to be here." Shigure asked.<br>"He's supposed to be saving us from Akito." Kyo intervened.  
>"Huh?" the room chorused.<br>"Well, last night I asked him why he would put something like this together and he told me that he was a secret agent. He's supposed to be part of the SZS or some crazy stuff like that." Kyo remembered. "And you didn't believe him?" Momiji asked.  
>"No! Usually you're not supposed to listen to the random crap from Haru!" Kyo defended himself.<br>"Even though that may be true, if someone tells you that they're a secret agent,you LISTEN TO THEM. It's common sense." Shigure retorted as everyone nodded their heads. At that moment Hatori and Ayame came to get the rest of the bags. Once everything was packed and put away, everyone gathered outside, waiting for Yuki and Haru.  
>"I wonder if Haru will save us from Akito?" Momiji spoke aloud.<br>"Yeah,yeah,yeah. I know this part." Kyo lazily said.  
>"What are you talking about,Kyo?" Tohru asked.<br>"C'mon Tohru. Don't you ever watch movies? The bad guy,who is Akito, is going to come rushing in here and try to trap us, but then the good guy,which would be Haru, would come and lock him in a cage of stainless steel or something. Yay,the day is saved, we survived,blah-blah-blah." Kyo boringly replied.  
>"You never know Kyo!" Kagura piped up.<br>"It could happen, because every crazy and messed-up thing happens to us." Hatori sighed.  
>"Come on you guys. It's not like Akito is going to come here,threaten us with some weapon,and then Haru comes to save the day." Kyo told them. Suddenly smoke billowed into the air.<br>"BWHAHAHAHA!" an evil voice laughed. Akito and Kureno walked towards the group.  
>"See? We told you!" the Zodiac yelled at Kyo.<br>"I freaking hate irony." Kyo replied simply.  
>"Hey Kureno." Hatori, Shigure, and Ayame called.<br>"Hi!" Kureno replied back. 'Finally,somebody says something to me!' Kureno happily thought, then went back to glaring at the family.  
>"I have had enough of you Zodiac members! You will pay for what you have done! All of you! Even...that girl!" Akito pointed at Tohru. Shigure raised his hand. "Yeah...ok. Quick question. What exactly did we do?" he asked.<br>"Shut up! No talking! We shall serve you pain on a silver platter,topped with cheese and a wide assortment of fine breads,cooked at exactly 375 degrees for 2 and a half hours!" Kureno exclaimed.  
>"What?" everyone asked. Akito leaned down to Kureno. "Hey Kureno?"<br>"Yes?"  
>"Remember when we talked about those food-related,evil speeches?"<br>"Yeah! You said 'Don't tell those because they are lame and make the victims confused!' " Kureno responded.  
>"Yep. Good job. NOW NEVER SAY IT AGAIN OR I'LL FAIL YOUR SORRY ASS!" Akito snapped.<br>"Jeez...I just wanted to be evil too..."  
>"Well you can't. And now you just wasted all of my time to tell them why they're doomed. Now I have to skip that and go straight to the threatening weapon part."<br>"Sorry."  
>"Ok now where was I?" Akito forgot.<br>"Oh yes! Taste the wrath of my... MOOSE OF EVIL!" At his command a moose stepped out of the woods and lumbered forward, glaring angrily.  
>"Wait..did you just say, MOOSE of evil?" Ayame asked.<br>"Yeah so? It's a moose that's completely evil." Akito replied.  
>"Why a moose? What about a fierce tiger or something?" Hiro shot at Akito.<br>"Well this GENIUS, (*points at Kureno*), told me that our fierce tiger moved away and there were no more tigers. So we had to find whatever was left in the EVIL stables."  
>"And you picked that? What's so evil about a moose?" Kyo shouted.<br>"Well a while ago it ate some teenager's cheese without asking or something...so NOW IT'S COMPLETLY EVIL."  
>"Yeah right..." Hiro muttered.<br>"I think Akito-san is confused...moose are nice." Tohru mumbled to Kisa.  
>"IT WAS YOU." an angry voice thundered out. Everyone turned to see Yuki walking towards the moose. The moose turned at the sound of his voice and started running towards him. Yuki maintained his walk and the two headed for each other. The moose ran to him and Yuki sent a flying kick towards it. It landed stunned in the dirt. "That was for the cheese." Yuki said coolly, and then stood to join his family. "Wow...didn't see that coming." Akito said as his evil moose stood up and fled the scene.<br>"Or... THIS!" another voice cried. Haru the secret agent jumped off a cool-looking bike and shot a wire, which wrapped and tied itself around Akito and Kureno.  
>"Take that!" he said, delivering a blow that knocked them both out. "Alright, now I'll lock you up in the house..." Haru mumbled to himself. He carrieddragged Akito and Kureno to the house, opened the door, found the nearest closet, and shoved them inside. Then Haru walked back out and called, "Locked the house up and Akito and Kureno are captured. Now! Everyone into the bus! Quick!" Everyone climbed on the shuttle bus. Haru attached his bike to a convient rack on the back of the bus and hopped on. Making sure that the driver went the right way, Haru turned to his family. "Hey guys...turns out that I'm a secret agent..." Haru said while rubbing his head sheepishly.

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><p>This chapter is about 3000 something words-there will possibly be longer ones! Hope everyone likes the 'around the world trip mixed with secret agent-ness story.' I'm putting this story together as I go along, so tell me if there's anything wrong with it in a review. Reviews equal a happy author and more chapters. :3<p> 


	6. Off of the Bus and into the Plane!

H-h-hello everyone. *angry readers glare at me* Sorry for the super long wait for this chapter... *readers pick up pitchforks and spears* heh heh heh...*gulp* here's the chapter! *mob starts chasing me* please enjoy chapter 6 while I run away! Happy birthday to 1411alexis! Here is your birthday present: a very special rock. This rock comes from a long line of special rocks, and is of the highest quality in complete rockittudity and other fine- you know what. Just read the chapter. :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except Flight Attendent Jess and the Unimportant Busdriver so stop with the questions!

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><p>"So who's hungry?" Haru asked the Sohmas as they drove along to the airport. Nobody responded, they just stared at Haru.<p>

"Guys? Hello? I'm starving." Haru asked his shocked family again.

This time, Shigure raised his hand and asked Haru,"Why-"

Hatori interrupted and said,"the-"

Kyo came in and said,"hell-"

Kagura said,"are-"

Hiro said, "YOU-"

Yuki said, "a-"

Momiji said,"secret-"

Kisa said,"agent?"

Ayame pouted,"Hey! I wanted to say something in order like that too! Tohru, Ritsu, Rin, and I didn't do it!"

"That's ok!" Ritsu and Tohru quickly said, while Rin was fine with a blank look.

"Then say something you idiot." Yuki snapped.

"Sheesh...fine..." Ayame replied. He turned to Haru. "So Haru, why are you a spy?" Everyone looked up expectantly to Haru, who was still standing up.

"Ugh...the story's too long and I wanna sit down and I'm hungry and I want some breakfast..." Haru droned.

"Haru! Just tell us!" the Sohmas yelled.

"C'mon Haru! We want to know how you became an agent and what's going on!" Momiji excitedly said.

"Nah...you guys don't want to know..." Haru said. While talking, he walked over to a panel in the wall and pressed a button. A small table layered with breakfast food popped out. Haru grabbed a delicious-looking plate of eggs, jammed toast, and orange juice. He walked over to a spot that had no chairs,while saying," You guys. Being a spy isn't so cool. It's not all high-tech and stuff."

"I want a panel like that in my house!" Ayame shouted.

"Think about it...hot breakfast foods just a wall away...where do I get one? Sign me up!" Shigure yelled.

Since the other two eldest Sohmas were acting like crackhead children over a new toy, Hatori got all pratical and smart and said to Haru, "Now Haru. That has to be very high-tech. Breakfast food doesn't just come out of walls you know. It's not normal."

"Come on, Hatori. It's completely normal. Yuki told me about how milk came pouring out of the wall where the a/c was." Haru argued.

Yuki piped up and intervened,"Haru. Kyo punched the a/c and poured milk on it like the baka neko he is. That doesn't happen all the time. It's not normal."

"Oh. Right...but it's normal for me. Now time to eat." Haru stood by a little pulsing blue square in the place that a chair should have been. He looked straight down at the square and pronouced clearly,"Moo. The cow goes Moo."

"What the-?" the Zodiac members thought to themselves. But at Haru's weird code words, the panel shot open and steel-like wires started to wrap themselves into the form of a chair. In less than a minute, a perfect recliner complete with side table for food,a pillow, and a cup holder were standing by.

"Haru that was awesome!" Momiji shouted excitedly.

"I NEED that..." Rin muttered.

"Whoa. Why don't I have one of those? I gotta steal money from Akito again...*teehee*" a mischievous Shigure planned.

"See Haru? We want to know about things like that!" Momiji exclaimed.

"Yeah I mean who has a chair that pops out like that at home? And who has a full breakfast thing like that?" Kyo pondered.

Tohru raised her hand from where she was sitting. "Uhh...I do..." she whispered. Everyone that had ever eaten Tohru's cooking swiveled their heads around.

"Tohru! You don't make the food?" Kyo yelled.

"No! The world will end! Tohru's food is so delicious! I'm sorry!" Ritsu cried. He passed out on the floor from the unbelievable knowledge of Tohru's false cooking.

"Where is that panel ? How come we never see it?" Yuki asked,bewildered.

"Well...it takes so long to do the chores and my work so...I bought a panel from the store." Tohru rubbed her head and laughed nervously.

"You can get them from the store?" Momiji gaped.

"Yes you people. I told you it was normal. There's a whole display of them at Wal-Mart." Haru bluntly announced and then sat down to eat his meal.

"Damn. Wal-Mart has everything." Hatori said.

"True,true. I'll explain everything now I guess..." Haru told them. "Now let's see...I became a secret agent when I stumbled across HQ a year ago. I was out in the Sohma garden at night looking for four-leaf-clovers because I wanted to see if those magical leprechauns could give me a new hat because my old one got run over by a rhino and the fairies were too mean to care about me so-" Haru went on.

"Wait. What?" the bewildered family asked.

"I wanted a new hat. What's so bad about that?" Haru shrugged.

"Well you were telling us about how you found your HQ but then you went to magical leprechauns and fairies and rhinos..." Kisa tried.

"But fairies are real! Especially the leprechauns.I know for a fact that rhinos aren't real though..." Haru added.

"How did they let YOU be a secret agent." Hiro muttered.

"That's what I said!" Kyo agreed with Hiro.

"They're not real Haru. Not real. Just drop it." Yuki said.

"Fine. Whatever. I'll tell Agent Fairy that you don't believe in her." Haru pouted.

"There is no Agent Fairy or leprechauns or even rhinos! The whole thing is stupid and I want to go home." Hiro shouted from his chair.

"Hiro. Be nice." Kisa scolded.

"Hey Hiro. If you shut up and let me finish then I'll let you ride my bike." Haru suggested.

"Can you change the color of it?" Hiro questioned.

"Sure." Haru answered back.

"How many seats does it have?"

"Seven, you don't see them because they're hidden."

"Does it serve ice cream with sprinkles flown from halfway across the world?"

"Only if you want it to."

"What did the camel say to the beluga whale,snail, and duck?"

"Sixty-five,lamp, and cinnamon."

"What is the capital of Spain?"

"Purple." Hiro stared at Haru. "You got lucky you dope. I'll be quiet." And with that, their completely 'sane' conversation was over.

"Ok guys. I'll explain in this very convient flashback that just so happened to be on the ceiling. Enjoy!" Haru pointed to the ceiling where the flashback started playing.

"What-? Why is that up there?" Kyo questioned.

"What is going on?" Tohru asked, confused.

"Who puts flashbacks in a shuttle bus?" Yuki asked.

"Quiet! Give me some popcorn! It's starting!" Shigure shhhed them.

-START FLASHBACK-  
>Haru was in the garden walking along, when he crashed into a man. The man was dressed in all black, so it was hard to see his face. As soon as Haru crashed into him, his black side took over, and he cursed him out. Haru rubbed his head and finished telling off the man stood up and ran off. Of course Haru followed him, because Haru's a cow and cows follow moving stuff...it's natural. Haru is transfixed by the guy, so he hurriedly walks along, and bumps into all kinds of things. Statues, flowerpots, and vases came tumbling down, and set off hidden alarms. Soon sirens and red lights were going off. But Haru wasn't paying any attention to where he was going or what was going on, and he followed the man to a part of the estate that he hadn't seen before. The man walked to a solid wall and pushed on it in a particular place, then was so dark and all Haru saw was a man go through solid brick wall. After a freak-out moment, Haru got to the wall and stared at it. He picked up a nearby squirrel and started randomly slamming it down on bricks. It worked...somehow...and the door opened up. He walked into the smooth white entrance, but turned to see a group of very tired, but scary looking ninjas wearing pajamas running towards him with swords, sticks, and...plastic knives!<br>"Intruder! Intruder! Why did you come in the middle of the night? Intruder!" they shouted.  
>Haru tried pushing the door but it wouldn't close, so he started running down the hallways and into random doors and rooms. A whole scooby-doo scene commenced by Haru running in one room and ninjas running into another. Somehow he lost them between the hangar for the jets and the frozen yogurt &amp; hotdog stands.(Which were completely empty by the time Haru was done with them). Haru was trying to find a way out when he wandered into a huge white room with walls of weapons, big screens, a wall that was an actual giant fish tank, computer stations, an indoor waterfall, and a SPA! He milled around, testing jetpacks and taking mineral baths. He was interrupted in all of this by the man that was outside. Since there was light Haru finally recognized his face and it was none other than... Kazuma! Suddenly, the ninjas that had been chasing Haru burst through the giant doors that led into the room. They came at him with full force, and Kazuma didn't do anything to stop them. Haru had to fight them off, so he used the most powerful weapon he could find in the weapon-stocked room.. He used a deadly bowl of assorted fruits! Haru threw sharp, pointy pineapples, giant grapefruits and scary kiwis, and starfruit that flew through the air like missiles. The ninjas got down to only 1, and Kazuma stopped Haru from fighting.<br>He walked over to the last ninja and said, "Why did you make all of those holograms?"

"The rest of us are asleep, so I made holograms of us so that we wouldn't have to fight and take a good rest." the ninja said.

Kazuma pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "Of all the ninjas in the world, I'm stuck with you lazy imbeciles." he sighed.

"Hey! I do not appreciate being called names that I don't even understand!"

"I called you an imbecile, imbecile."

"See? I don't know what that is!"

"Fine. I'll call you something else. Lazy dunce."

"I still don't know what that is! And I'm not lazy! For your information, we ninjas didn't go to bed until 9:00 last night, so we're tired!"  
>"Shut up already!" Kazuma shouted and punched the holographic ninja. With a pathetic HEY! the ninja disappeared.<p>

"You have a holographic machine thingy?" Haru gasped.

Kazuma turned back to Haru. "Of course. I stole, *ahem* 'borrowed' all of the money from Akito. That's how this place runs." Kazuma air-quoted borrowed.

"Kazuma-sensai, why did you air-quote borrowed?"

"Because I...can..." Kazuma said.

"But you coughed and then air-quoted. You're not supposed to do that..." Haru said slowly.

"Haru! Forget that. Now pay attention to what I have to say." Kazuma also knew better than to talk to Haru for a long amount of time, too many talks with him ended in chaos. Kazuma told him that he was a good fighter but not too bright. He said with the right amount of training then he could make it in his agency. He also needed some better agents because those ninja were as slow as molasses. So he invited Haru to join.

Haru replied,"Well...I'm glad that I'm not too bright because then I would blind everyone around me and-"

"Haru! Again, do you want to join? I'll let you use the holographic machine..." Haru paused.

"Sure, why not?" he agreed and was officially commerated as a member of the SZS. Kazuma gave him a suit, a password to get in the HQ, and a cool suit. The only thing that Haru had to promise to do was:  
>1. Never tell anyone about the agency.<br>2. Enroll into agent school.  
>3. Make Kazuma a fruit salad. (Those fruit weapons made him hungry.)<br>4. Take some long therapy lessons.  
>5. Don't even think about touching the frozen yogurt &amp; hotdog stands ever again. (Haru cleaned them out of any kind of snacks.)<br>And so Haru the newly appointed secret agent walked proudly out of the building, and was on his way to bed when the abused squirrel from earlier jumped him from behind.  
>-END FLASHBACK-<p>

"My first mission didn't come until later, but that's another story. So, any questions?"  
>*silence* (again) Shocked expressions and WTF? faces stared at Haru after the Flashback ended. Many thoughts were running through the Sohmas' heads.<br>Kyo: 'My sensei's the best! He's in charge of a whole secret agency! But Haru still shouldn't be an agent...he's an idiot.'  
>Tohru: 'Oh my...that was an...interesting story...'<br>Yuki: 'What the hell...could he not hear those sirens going off? Haru's such an idiot.'  
>Shigure: 'Hmm...frozen yogurt sounds good right about now...and hotdogs? What a beautiful combination! Yum!' Ayame: 'I wonder if those holographic ninjas were wearing the right pajamas...they had better been color-coordinated!'<br>Hatori: 'So Kazuma got himself into another scheme...*sigh* What is the world coming to...'  
>Kagura: 'I bet Kyo would make a good secret agent! He'd look so cute in an orange suit! Oooh! *squeal*'<br>Momiji: 'Haru must have been sooo busy! Maybe that's why he skipped out on all of my sing-along-playdates...hmm...then why did no one else come...'  
>Kisa: 'That poor squirrel...'<br>Hiro: 'Those ninjas sound stupid. I bet they're lazy crackheads. What a waste of time. Haru's an idiot.'  
>Rin: 'Yes! Somebody else who steals from Akito! Hooray Kazuma!'<br>Ritsu: 'I'm still on the floor! Somebody help...But take as much time as possible! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY TO YOU! I'M SO-' Okay...enough of that thought. Back to the bus full of confused Sohmas.

"Guys? Questions?" Haru repeated. All at once, everyone asked Haru a question.  
>"What ninjas?"<br>"Why is Kazuma the head of an agency?"  
>"How could you hurt that squirrel like that?"<br>"I'm glad that squirrel jumped your sorry ass! Can I have his autograph?"  
>"Kyo is such a better agent than you! I love Kyo!"<br>"Why was that flashback so long?"  
>"I wonder if I can 'air-quote borrow' some of that money..."<br>"This is very impressive Hatsuharu!"  
>"For the last time! How did they let YOU be a secret agent?"<br>"It must have taken a million therapy lessons."  
>Haru sweat-dropped at the dozens of questions being fired at him. He was trying to come up with an answer to all of them when Unimportant Bus Driver called out, "We're here! Welcome to the airport!"<br>Haru breathed a sigh of relief and said,"Whoops! Can't answer any questions! We're here! Now everyone line up and let's get to the plane!" The family begrudgingly picked up Ritsu and filed out of the bus.

-MEANWHILE AT SHIGURE'S HOUSE-  
>"Damn that Haru! Damn them all!" a very angry, and very squished Akito screamed. After being locked in a closet with Kureno for at least an hour, Akito was begging to be let out.<p>

"Calm down Akito. Just breathe in and out and everything will be a-ok." Kureno told him calmly.

"Why the hell should I breathe in and out? I'm stuck in a closet with you! I'm sick of breathing air with your bacteria in it!"

"Now Akito..."

"Don't now Akito me! I'm hungry, squished, cold, disgusted, and mad as hell!"

"Why are you upset Akito?"

"Well one thing is that damn agent Haru took the Zodiac and left! And I don't even know how HE became an agent. I mean of all the people in the family, and they pick him..." Akito muttered. "Anyway, I'm mad that he locked me in here with you!"

"What's wrong with me?" Kureno pouted.

"You keep talking!"

"I'm just trying to get you calmed down..."

"By doing yoga?"

"Yes."

"Kureno! You have been doing yoga positions in this very very very small closet forever and you're taking up all the space!"

"I'm trying to help."

"But you're not helping! Not helping at all! I'm surrounded by nasty coats and Shigure's box of disco crap!"

"Hey! That box has some cool stuff in it." Kureno scooted forward a bit and pulled an afro out of the box.

"See look? An afro! This box is where I thought of the yoga from! You know. 70s stuff..."

"I don't-mmmrrrfff..." Akito was lost from view when Kureno put the afro on.

"Akito? Where did you go?" Kureno called.

"I'm over here!" Akito called from the other side of the closet. Kureno pushed the gigantic afro to the side and squeezed past to Akito.

"Hi." Kureno greeted him.

"How the hell did Shigure fit that thing in that box?" Akito said as a greeting.

"I don't know..."

Akito spotted a silver object on a part of the floor with no afro on it. "Kureno... Is that a phone?"

"Yep. It's mine."

"Why haven't you called someone to rescue us? We could have been at the lair by now, tracking those idiots!" Akito exclaimed.

"Well... I hadn't thought about it..."

"Give me the phone! I've got to get out of here!" Akito reached for the phone and dialed a number. He talked for a second, hung up and announced, "Someone's coming to get us in 5 minutes, with no help from you. So, I'm going to FAIL you."

"No wait don't!" Kureno cried,but it was too late.

"Kureno...FAIL. COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAIL."

"Ohhhh Noo! oh no..." Kureno sobbed as he buried himself into the nearest corner and started poking and growing mushrooms.

"Kureno stop all of that and pull yourself together. We will be leaving in 3 minutes."

"But..."

"And stop growing mushrooms in the closet! I'm in here too so it'll look like I'm gloomy and depressed."

*sniff sniff* "O-o-ok..."

Suddenly, the door flew open and several of Akito's guards appeared. "Sir Akito! Are you all right?" they asked simultaneously.

"Yeah yeah yeah, I'm fine. Now take us back to the lair and get us there fast!" Akito commanded.

"Right!" they replied and escorted the two villains out of the house into a waiting car. Once they arrived at Akito's Evil Lair, Akito himself stormed in and sat in his villianious chair. He turned towards a large screen and said,"Computer, show my Zodiac and that Agent Haru at the airport. NOW."

"Yes Akito." a mechanical voice replied. On screen, the family had disappeared into their plane and was ready for takeoff.

"Hmm...they're about to take off now, but I'll send my team out to get them at their first destination. For now, I'll keep a close eye on them..." Akito chuckled darkly.

"Can I chuckle too?" Kureno asked hopefully from his mushroom corner.

"No! You messed up last time! Go back to your mushrooms!" Akito yelled, then resumed his dark chuckling.  
>Kureno dropped his head down and went back to poking and growing his little mushrooms in his gloomy corner.<p>

-THE SOHMA'S PRIVATE PLANE, AT THE AIRPORT-  
>It had taken some time at the airport, because everyone kept getting lost in the large place, Kyo and Yuki fought and destroyed half of the food court, and Ritsu apologized to every person that he passed by. The family finally made it to their plane and gazed at its vastness. They stared at the huge aircraft and gaped at it until Haru said, "You look like a bunch of crackhead tourists. Get inside so we can leave."<br>The family shuffled along and finally made it inside. If they thought that the outside was huge, the inside was even bigger. In the entrance of the plane was a sort of lobby, with two elevators and three doors leading off to various places. A sign next to the gilded elevators read:  
>Floor 1: Lobby and Seats<br>Floor 2: Internet and Electronics  
>Floor 3: Pool and Lounge<br>Floor 4: Dining Area  
>Floor 5: Sleeping Quarters<p>

"Wow..." was all Kisa, Momiji, and Ritsu could say.

"It's not so bad..." Rin and Hiro said.

"Aya! We can share sleeping quarters! This'll be great!" Shigure said.

"Hooray Shii-chan! I love it already!" Ayame replied.

"Those sick bastards...but this place is nice..." Yuki mumbled.

"How wonderful!" Tohru said.

"Kyo and I are going to have a wonderful time!" Kagura squealed.

"Not on your life...but damn...this place isn't half-bad." Kyo said.

"Well I'm glad that you all like it." Haru said as he walked up with a flight attendant. "Guys, this is Flight Attendant Jess. She is part of the agency and also here to help us out. You'll see later..." he said all mysteriously.

"That's right! I'm here to help. Now, if you would follow me to your seats, then we can prepare for takeoff." Flight Attendant Jess told them. She led them to a door on the right that was labeled 'Seats' and took them inside. The long, narrow room was filled with rows and rows of airplane-style chairs, and places to stow carry-ons up top. Once Jess seated everyone, she instructed them how to use their emergency gear.  
>She concluded saying, "Once the plane takes off, you are free to move to the floors above us. Staff are always on hand. If you should require any assistance, just ring a bell located anywhere on the aircraft. Enjoy your flight!" And with this she left the room. After a few minutes of waiting and AGONIZING elevator music, the roar of the engine started up and the plane moved across the runway. Up,up,up...and they were off! The Sohma's private airplane was now heading to their first destination!<p>

* * *

><p>And end of chapter 6! I hope that its easier to read. :3 Thanks so much for reading this story. Chapter 7 will possibly be up at the end of next week...? Also, please feel free to review this chapter. Come on...I'll give you airplane peanuts! And complimentary sodas! And...A PUPPY WEARING A MUSTACHE! You know you want it. ;3<p> 


	7. Destination 1: Sydney, Australia

Yes, I know that this chapter has been...delayed for...possibly 3 weeks...maybe a little more...but! I finally bring you chapter 7 after many computer viruses, research on Sydney (yes, I do research), and lots of writer's-block-filled days. So to all of you guys actally reading this story, I'm VERY sorry. So here's a very long-almost 7000 words-chapter 7!

Floor 1: Lobby and Seats  
>Floor 2: Internet and Electronics<br>Floor 3: Pool and Lounge  
>Floor 4: Dining Area<br>Floor 5: Sleeping Quarters (just a reminder)

* * *

><p>"I wanna go to the game room!" Momiji yelled.<p>

"No. We're going to the pool first." Kyo said.

"Right Kyo! Let's go to the pool together!" Kagura joined in.

"On second thought, I think I'm going to jump out of the plane." Kyo muttered.

"I'm hungry. We're going to the Dining Area. NOW." Rin demanded.

The group was now free to move in the plane. Everyone stood in the lobby trying to decide where they would go first.  
>"I suggest that we go unpack our bags first. Then we can go explore the plane." Hatori stated rationally.<p>

"Let's go bother the pilot! Maybe we'll get complimentary airplane peanuts!" Shigure said, his eyes shining.

"Shigure...All airplane peanuts are free...that's why they're called COMPLIMENTARY airplane peanuts." Yuki explained.

"Actually, Complimentary means giving someone a compliment, hence the COMPLIMENT part of the word Yuki. Duh you ickletrick."

"Shigure. Stop reading your word-a-day calendar. Those words aren't even real!" Yuki exclaimed.

"No! You're wrong! Ickletrick and snugglewuck are real words! Believe in them!"

"Shigure! You got that calendar from that weird creepy guy that lives behind the grocery store!"

"He's not weird and creepy! He owns the store! He's actually the President of the World, but he can't tell anybody else that. If he told them they would do the whole stalk-the-President-of-the-World thing, and he just can't handle that."

Yuki stared at him. "And he told you that?"

"Yes."

"You're an idiot."

"Well thank you,and a very happy yimmerface to you." Shigure replied.

Yuki just turned away and went to stand next to Tohru, who was trying to calm everyone down about where they should go next.

"Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention please?" Flight Attendant Jess called. "If you would all travel upstairs to the Sleeping Quarters, you can unpack your bags and find out your destination, then move on to explore the rest of the aircraft. Is that ok?"  
>Murmurs of agreement rose from the group. Everyone followed Jess to the elevators and stairs.<p>

"Hey! I suggested that idea first! Why does no one ever listen to me?" Hatori pouted.

"Come on Hari. You don't want to be the crackhead in the lobby growing some mushrooms." Shigure teased.

"I'M the crackhead?" Hatori twitched.

"Aww poor Hari. I know! Come up to the room and I'll find you a nice little corner to grow mushrooms." Ayame grabbed Hatori and dragged him up the stairs.

"I guess we'll take the stairs." Shigure said. Kisa, Ritsu and Hiro followed the trio and disappeared up the stairs to the Sleeping Quarters. Haru, Rin, Kyo, Tohru, Momiji, Kagura, and Yuki stood in front of the elevator.

"Uhh...how are we supposed to get in the elevator without transforming?" Kagura asked.

"That's easy!" Momiji answered. "All we have to do is sandwich the girls between the boys!"

"Sandwhich?" Tohru asked, confused for the thousandth time.

"Yeah! Tohru's in the middle, then Kagura, then Rin, and then us!" Momiji replied.

"I guess so..." everyone said slowly.

"Guys? There is technology these days, so the elevator is actually kinda big inside." Haru told them.

"But I wanna do my plan! I thought it up and everything!" Momiji whined.

"Just get in the elevator damn bunny." Kyo pushed him inside of the open doors, and followed him in.

"You guys are so smart..." Haru said and walked in too.

"I could've stood by my Kyo-kun...what a good plan gone to waste..." Kagura muttered and went in.  
>After everyone was in the big elevator, Jess turned to the control pad. Jess pressed the 5th button. It got a little loud in the elevator.<p>

Kagura tried stalking Kyo; she stared at him for a bit, then ducked down whenever Kyo turned around, but everyone could see her so it didn't work. Momiji bugged Tohru, Yuki was...being Yuki, and Haru tried comforting Rin as she stood in the corner miserably, because she didn't get to go to the Dining Area.  
>Finally they made it to the Sleeping Quarters, which were beautiful by the way. There were three walls dividing up the large room. One on the left was for the girls, one on the right for the guys, and the one in the middle was the sort of living room area. There were three large windows that had a perfect view of the ocean they were flying over. There were 13 beds in their gender-bound rooms. The beds already had their luggage on them, thanks to Jess. A small trunk for their clothing was located in front of each bed. There were 2 bathrooms in both rooms, and each was decorated with beautiful designs and had plenty of towels. There were a few t.v.s, couchs, and a couple of computers in the living room part. Royal bluesilver wallpaper and trim with elaborate designs was everywhere. The royal blue carpet with silver specks was thick and soft, and the ceiling had little lights that wouldn't fall on your head and impale you when you went to sleep, which was good for them. All in all, it was a REALLY big and REALLY pretty room.  
>"This place is gorgeous! Isn't it Tohru?" Kagura squealed as the girls went to check the place out.<p>

"Hiro, do you like it?" Kisa asked shyly.

"Yeah sure, only if you like it." Hiro replied bashfully.

"Awww! Hiro is soooo cute!" Momiji hopped around them.

"Shut up you stupid rabbit!" Hiro yelled, blushing the whole time.

"Aya...I think I'm going to get lonely at night..." Shigure told Ayame.

"Shi-chan... I know a way to comfort you...I'll push our beds together and crawl into your warm embrace..." Ayame 'Kagura-stage-whispered' back.

"Ah but we might wake the others up in our...acts of pleasure and des-" Shigure was cut off when they both went flying into the room, breaking a few objects and getting serious concussions.

"Hope you both get lonely ya perverted bastards!" Kyo let each of them know.

"Same here. That is so disgusting." Yuki muttered and went to unpack his bags.

"Aya...!" Shigure mumbled.

"Ow...Shii-chan..." Ayame muttered incoherently.

Finally everyone stopped having perverted talks and ogling at their fantastic bedroom. Haru gathered them together and started a small speech.  
>"Ok listen up guys. Our first destination is...Australia. We are going to the famous city called Sydney. There's lots to do there and not a lot of time, so get ready to move kinda quick. Try not to bump into people and transform ok? That means you Kyo."<br>A very displeased Kyo shouted HEY! but Haru went on.

"We will get there in about an hour so go explore the plane, then meet back downstairs in the Seats Area so that we can land. Any questions?" he asked.

"Yeah...are we going to eat? At all? Or do you want us to starve? Huh? Answer me that Guy!" Rin screamed.

"Ok. No questions. Go explore the plane. Everybody take the stairs or elevator." Haru concluded as he shuffled people out.  
>Rin twitched and went after Haru, dragging him downstairs to the next floor, the dining area.<br>Momiji persuaded Hiro and Kisa into going to the Second Floor to play games.  
>Yuki kindly asked Tohru to go to the Third Floor. Of course Kyo got jealous, so he went with them, which made Kagura follow along too. Ritsu was feeling kind of hungry, so he went to the dining area, only to bombard the staff there with apologizes about nothing in particular. Hatori wanted some peace and quiet, so he stayed in the huge bedroom watching t.v. Of course the Madubachi Trio must never split up, so Ayame and Shigure bugged Hatori by staying, too.<br>After about an hour, everyone met back up in the First Floor's Seat section to buckle up and prepare to land.

"This plane is awesome! Those were cool games!" Momiji laughed from his seat.

"It was very fun, right Hiro?" Kisa smiled.

"It wasn't bad I guess." Hiro sighed, but still smiled.

"Yuki...Kyo...Did you enjoy the Third Floor?" Tohru asked heistantly, although she knew what had happened. Yuki had been talking to Tohru in the relaxing lounge room. Kagura was trying to get Kyo when he ran by and fell into Tohru. Yuki went to break her fall and transformed. He blamed Kyo and they ended up fighting as a cat and rat. Of course Yuki won, and Tohru had another naked POOF! scene.

"We were having a wonderful time, , until that baka neko messed it all up!" Yuki growled.

"I messed it up? It was all Kagura's fault! Blame her!" Kyo bristled.

"Kyo...You had better be bragging to Yuki-kun about your love for me or I'll pound you into smithereens." Kagura smiled dangerously, but still sweetly.  
>Kyo sweat-dropped and went back to burning holes in Yuki's head with his eyes.<p>

"Aya! Let's go meet all of the hot babes in Sydney!" Shigure giggled.

"Oh Shi-chan! What if we meet a girl...named Sydney...in Sydney?" Ayame gasped.

"Oh my gosh! That would be so amazing!" Shigure replied excitedly. The two eldest Sohmas started shrieking and giggling like crackhead schoolgirls that gossip too much.

"Those idiots...maybe we'll lose them in the city and never see them again. I wouldn't mind that." Hatori smiled at the thought, somewhat pleased.

"Haru...if you ever make me starve like that again, I WILL come after you and make your life miserable." Rin said dangerously.

"Really?" Haru teased.

"Hell yeah. Only for about a day though. I can't be mad at you forever, ya bastard." Rin semi-blushed.  
>Haru just smiled and turned to face the front, where Jess was about to talk.<p>

"Attention everyone. We will be landing in Sydney in about 25 minutes. Please remain seated until the plane lands completely. I will show you out at that time." Jess finished and left to sit in her seat.

"Alright! We're almost there! Almost there!" Shigure and Ayame sang, much to the annoyance to the others.

-MEANWHILE-

Akito sat in his EVIL chair in his EVIL lair, watching his giant EVIL monitor. He saw the Sohmas plane get closer and closer to Australia, thanks to the awesome power of his EVIL GPS satellites.

"Ah...they are about to land. In Sydney, huh? I have sources in Australia that would love to follow my stupid Zodiac around. That way I'll always keep them in my sight."  
>Akito paused. "Wait a minute... Kureno!" he yelled for his sidekick.<p>

Kureno quickly came to his master's side. "Yeah what is it?" he asked.

"I feel like I'm missing something here."

"Missing something?"

"Yeah...I know! I need to stroke a small black animal slowly to make it look like I'm completly EVIL. Which I am of course."

"Sure Akito. I'll get you...a cat! That's EVIL right?" Kureno asked while pulling out his phone.

"Yes. That's perfect." Akito laughed.

"Yo. I need a small black cat for Akito. Quick." Kureno said into his phone.

"While we wait...Are you done with the growing of your mushrooms? It was starting to creep me out." Akito said.

"Yes...as long as you don't...*gulp*...FAIL me anymore." Kureno shuddered.

"I like the FAILs. You don't like the FAILs?"

"No! They are very hurtful."

"Then I will keep doing them."

"But why?"

"Because I'm EVIL dimwit. And they're also very fun."

"Hmph..." Kureno sighed. At that moment the servant came with a black cat. He handed it to Akito and bowed out of the room.

"Ah! That's perfect! Let me stroke it EVILLY!" Akito smiled coldly. He picked the cat up and wheeled his chair around to face the monitor. He put a cold smile on his face, stroked his EVIL cat, and did his EVIL chuckle. Kureno walked over to him and looked at him hopefully.

Akito paused in his laughing. "Hell no. You are not messing up my laugh again." And with that he continued his little act. Kureno slowly turned around and sighed in his dark corner. He wanted to grow his mushrooms but, couldn't under Akitos rules. The only thing he could do was wait until Akito's comrade in Australia start after the Zodiac.

-SYDNEY AIRPORT-

"Welcome to Australia!" Jess sang. The Sohmas private airplane had finally landed and they were standing in front of the Sydney airport. One of the agency's drivers standing by a sleek black limo held up a sign that said SOHMAS.

"This place is...so amazing!" Tohru cried.(She says that about everything.)

"I don't really care." Hiro said.

"But...it's really pretty here." Kisa tried to convince Hiro.

"This place is really famous! They had the Olympics here." Momiji shouted.

"That doesn't change anything. It's still boring here." Hiro muttered.

"Come on Hiro! Lighten up." Momiji smiled.

"We just got here you know." Yuki said.

"Yeah guys. Jess planned stuff for us to do." Haru called out as Jess walked up. She was dressed in khaki shorts and a bright white t-shirt, and she was holding a clipboard.

"Jess? I thought that she stays on the plane?" Kagura asked.

"I told you that Jess would be coming with us on all our destinations. You guys don't listen." Haru said.

"Haru. You didn't tell us that at all." Yuki stated.

"Oh yeah..." Haru drifted.

"Again. HOW THE HELL DID HE BECOME A SECRET AGENT?" Kyo and Hiro simultaneously said.

"I won't be a secret agent if you keep blurting out stuff like that!" Haru sshed them.

Kyo and Hiro looked at each other. "That's fine by me." they said together.

"Whatever." Haru replied and stepped back to let Jess speak.

"Alright guys! I will be coming with you on every stop on our world tour! I am your guide, fun-planner, and FUTURE PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD!" Jess smiled brightly.

"I told you they exist Yuki." Shigure nudged Yuki and grinned.

"No. I bet she's joking." Yuki argued back.

'Her personality changed. I guess this must be her regular personality, and before was her flight attendant personality! ' Ritsu actually had a successful thought. "Kind of like you, Hatsuharu-san!" Ritsu smiled brightly.

"Huh? What?" Haru looked around confused.

"No! I'm so sorry! I meant that you had personality changes but your still a wonderful human being cow thing! But who wants go be called that? I'm so sorry! FORGIVE MY SOUL!" was Ritsu's response. Haru turned his attention to Jess and left him to his apologies.

"I'm just joking on the PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD stuff," Jess was saying.

"HA!" Yuki shouted at Shigure.

"Or am I..." Jess mysteriously and ominously whispered.

"HA!" Shigure ha!ed back.  
>Yuki just looked creeped out. "But I'm also your security guard. I know martial arts and Kung fu, and Tae Kwon Do and all that secret agent security junk."<p>

Kyo sauntered forward all cool and said, "Hm. I know you're a secret agent and all that, but look. Half of our group is trained in martial arts. I'm pretty good myself."

"Yeah, but you still can't beat Yuki!" Hiro yelled.

"Shut up kid! I'm making a point he-" Kyo was in the middle of his sentence when his feet swept out from under him. A small grunt came from Kyo as Jess sat on top of him, holding his face onto the ground.

"So, what were you saying about you being good at martial arts?" she grinned.  
>Shigure and Ayame started "OOHing" and "BOO! YOU STINK!". Rin laughed and Haru smiled. Of course, Tohru started freaking out but Yuki calmed her down.<p>

Jess yelled,"YES! I PWN YOU!" and got up off of Kyo. She held out her hand and smiled, "Heh. You sure do suck."

Kyo started shouting and yelling about how damn girls shouldn't do stuff like that and went to grumble in the back of the group.

"I hope you all know that many of the Australian locals are staring at us." Hatori stated.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Back to our schedule!" Jess pulled out her clipboard and read it out loud.

"Listen up peoples! We will be visiting two famous sites today, If of course you don't mess it up! First is the Sydney Tower! A limo is going to take us. It has a large observatory so we can see the city! So, everyone into the limo!"

"I like her! She plans fun stuff!" Momiji bounced around singing a song that he made up in five seconds about random fun stuff to do.  
>As the Sohmas squished into the limo, the small crowd that had been watching them dispersed, all except a tall man. He wore a long black cloak, mean-looking black boots, and an EVIL black eyepatch. Little did they know that he was recording every detail of their day in Australia-from their destinations to their limo's liscence plate-back to Akito in a EVIL communication-thingy. He jumped into a taxi and proceeded to follow them into the famous Sydney Harbor.<p>

The Sohmas drove past famous sites, like the Sydney Opera House (which made Rin scream. Haru reminded everyone that oddly shaped buildings freaked her out, which was strange...)  
>They arrived at Sydney Tower, with the taxi letting the EVIL representative out behind them.<p>

"That is a big building." Hatori said as the family gaped at its height.

Shigure and Ayame giggled. "How big is it Hari?" they grinned.

"You are so childish...I have no idea why I'm out in public with you people." Hatori sighed as he stalked towards the entrance.

"Ooookkaayy...follow me! You guys head up to the Skywalk, the observatory." Jess happily skipped to the elevator.  
>Everyone squished in the elevator until there was no room left. "Let's try my sandwich plan again!" Momiji smiled.<p>

"No. That plan was stupid and would never work." Hiro shot that idea down.  
>Shigure, Ayame, and the EVIL dude (named Quincy. How perfectly EVIL.) were the only ones standing outside of the doors.<p>

"Awww...looks like we have to take the stairs." Shigure sniffed.

"That's ok! We can sing to make the time pass!" Ayame grandly stated.

Everyone sweat-dropped. They all knew about their...*ahem* 'special' cousins. But still, no one wanted to get out and lose their spot in the comfortable, non-stair-walking elevator.

'Dear Lord...if those two idiots get set loose in a huge, complex building like this, who knows what would happen...' Hatori thought. Visions of Ayame and Shigure setting the place on fire and singing through it all made Hatori step out.

"I'm coming with you so that you won't kill us all." he told them.

"Ahh...Thank you Hatori!" Haru smiled. "Now whatever happens you will be responsible for, not the agency! I just saved us a lot of cash." He turned and high-fived Jess.  
>"SHIGURE! HA!" he pointed at Shigure, who looked upset about the high-fiving, then pushed the close door button. Quincy rushed in right before the doors closed, much to everyone's surprise. After some AGONIZING elevator music, the group made it to the Sydney Skywalk. They saw Hatori, Shigure and Ayame standing at the edge of the observatory. Ritsu went to join them. Shigure and Ayame were peering over the edge.<p>

"Hey Aya! Let's play I Spy!" Shigure said excitedly.

"Way ahead of you!" Ayame had brought 2 of his own frilly purple lace and feather-covered binoculars.

"Yay! I'll go first! I spy...a tall thing!" Shigure looked around.

"Oohh! That's hard. Is it...that balloon?" Ayame thought hard.

"Nope!"

"That fat lady?"

"Nope!"

"That motorcycle?"

"Negative."

"That sign?"

"Uh-uh."  
>Hatori was really surprised that it had taken this long. "Ayame. It's the building. Actually, all of them."<p>

"The building?" Ayame blinked.

"It's so obvious. I mean, we're surrounded by tall buildings." Hatori put out bluntly.

"Aww Hari! You ruined the game. Go away!" Shigure stuck out his tounge.  
>Seeing two grown men that are related to you hold frilly purple binoculars with lace and feathers up to their eyes to FAIL at the children's game of I Spy, will make anyone walk away in utter defeat. Hatori decided to sit and rest. Ritsu bobbed along after him and sat down. The dreadful climb to the top was wearing Hatori down. He had had to climb MANY stairs with Shigure and Ayame trailing behind singing 1000 bottles of chocolate milk on the wall.<p>

"Wow! It's really pretty up here!" Momiji gasped as his group went to explore.

"What the hell is that?" Hiro said as they walked past a talking sculpture of a cartoon kangaroo. "G'day mate! G'day mate!" It kept saying to everyone who walked by it.

"I think it's cute." Kisa giggled.

"And I think it's creepy and I hope someone blows it up." Hiro laughed evilly, but not too evilly.

"Hiro..." Kyo warned.

"It's creepy dude." Hiro shrugged and followed the group.

"It is so beautiful up here!" Tohru said in awe.

"Not as beautiful as you, Ms. Honda." Yuki said all gentlemanly and lame. Tohru blushed.  
>Kagura heard this and said,"Kyo! It is SOOOO pretty up here!"<p>

"Hell no. Im not saying that dumb flirt line that Yuki used. It's lame and pathetic." Kyo grumbled.

"KYO!" Kagura threatened.

"Fine. You are as pretty as..." Kyo looked around and saw a statue on top of a nearby building.

"That statue over there." Kagura swirled around to see the statue.

"Oh Kyo! How-HOLD UP! THAT'S A GARGOYLE!"

"Yeah you guys could be twins." Kyo replied.

"KYO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Kagura screamed as she chased him through the crowds of tourist.

"Does Kyo-kun know what a gargoyle is?" Tohru asked Yuki.

"That baka neko probably has no idea." he chuckled.

"Come on Sissy, let's look through those binoculars together." Kisa smiled shyly at Tohru.

"Sure!" They ran off towards the binoculars with Yuki and Hiro trailing behind them. Kyo and Kagura eventually got tired and went with them, too.

"Get me some food dammit! I'm hungry!" Rin stomped her foot angrily.

"Rin...you just ate like...a couple of hours ago." Haru said slowly.

"I like food okay? I need to find something to eat NOW."

"But I don't know where to find food."

"Haru. If you won't find me some food to eat, I will tell Tohru to hug you and then I will eat you. I will cook you and you'll be nothing but little secret agent hamburgers." Rin did her signature SCARY DEATH STARE at him oh-so-menacingly.  
>Haru swallowed. Rin didn't like to play with her food. "Yeah yeah yeah. Stop the creepy staring and let's go."<br>Haru was the only one that Rin let talk to her like that. She smirked and dragged him to a nearby employee, who she immediately started yelling at to give her food.

Momiji was skipping along,minding his own business, when a large limb tripped him.(It was a foot smart people.) Of course, Momiji always had candy on him, so when he fell, all of his spare candy went over the edge of the rail.

"Awww...that was my favorite candy!" he cried and started bawling like a 5-year-old. A very gruff and creepy voice called Momiji over. It was Quincy, in a shadowy corner.

"Hello Man! My name is Momiji!" Momiji babbled.

"Yeah whatever. Hey kid. I saw your candy spill over the edge. Ya want some more?" Quincy growled in a low deep voice.

Okay. Now we all know that when a creepy, scary stranger in a dark, shadowy corner asks you questions, there's no way in hell that your supposed to go to him. But of course the happy-go-lucky bunny Momiji just had to talk to him, and if this wasn't a good funny story, then Momiji could have gotten...uh...let's go with...taken away by the stranger, kidnappand, and lost forever. But nice things happen in this story, so let's continue, shall we?

"Sure Man! I would love some, thank you!" Momiji smiled as Quincy handed Momiji a small bag filled with about 8 round-looking things.

"Now make sure you share with your family,ok kid? Everyone gets one, and then they'll taste the fireworks...muha...muhahaha...MUHAHAHAHAHA!" Quincy laughed evilly.

"Are you ok Man? Sounds like you have a problem. Anyways, thanks for the candy!" Momiji grinned.

"Hahahaha...sucker..." Quicny chuckled.

"There's suckers in here too? Yay!" Momiji squealed and skipped away happily.

"That idiot...well I better get out of here before this place blows." Quincy said to himself. "Better check in first." He pulled out his communications thingy and called Akito.

"Boss." he greeted Akito.

"Ah...Have you given them the items?" Akito inquired.

"Yes. The bunny has the mini-bombs."

"Yes that's excellent...WAIT? BOMBS?" Akito screeched.

"Yeah boss...the bombs.."

"I didn't tell you to give them BOMBS! I said give them BONES!"

"Bones? How is that scary or threatening?"

"It was gonna freak them out so much that they come home! It wasn't a good plan...but it was gonna work! Somehow..."

"Sorry boss. That's not a good plan."

"Yeah but it's better than killing somebody! I don't kill, I maim or slap with various meats. That's about it. Now get out of there before they blow the place up! Remember, Sohmas are crazy."

"Says a lot about you..."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Quincy out." He signed off and ran down all the flights of stairs (wow) until he got to his taxi. He told the driver to step on it. The Sohmas had bombs and the place was about to blow.

Meanwhile, Momiji ran around the building looking for his family. He found Tohru, Kagura, Kisa, Kyo, Hiro, and Yuki by the viewing binoculars.

"Guys! Have some candy!" Momiji said.

"No thanks, I'm on a diet Momiji." Kagura stated.

"Why? You don't look any thinner." Kyo put out bluntly.

"DAMMIT KYO!" Kagura screamed and attacked him with the local pigeons.

"No thank you Momiji." Kisa politely said.

"No." Hiro frowned.

"I'm fine Momiji." Yuki said. Because of the Great Fudge Mistake, he knew better than to take candy from Momiji. (Hint: The 'fudge' was brown, warm, and most definitely NOT edible.)

"What about you, Tohru?" Momiji asked with teary eyes. Of course,Tohru HAD to take one of the deadly pieces of 'candy'.

"Thank you very much Momiji-kun."

"Yay!" Momiji cheered. "I'm off to share with everyone else. Bye!"  
>He found Haru watching Rin beat up employee after employee, all for some food. "Hey Haru! Want some candy? I'm sharing it with everyone."<br>Haru looked over at him. "Not really. But Rin's hungry so I'll give her one." Rin punched her employee in the face and looked for the next. "Or two..." Haru winced as Rin found another employee.

Momiji handed Haru two mini-candy bombs and pranced off for the next relatives. Haru looked closer at the candy in his hand. He brought out a piece of spy gear-a little detector. The detector beeped when he passed it over the items.

"Dammit...these are bombs." Haru muttered to himself. He quickly deactivated them with a built-in deactivating set in the detector.  
>(How handy.)<br>Rin looked up sharply. "Haru? Is that food in your hand?" She dropped her 4th employee and snatched the bombs out of his hand.

"Hold up Rin. That isn't food." Haru grabbed them back.

"Haru..." Rin warned him.

"Don't eat that unless you want to blow up into a million horse pieces."

"Oh...I bet I would be sexy little pieces..."

"Yeah, you would. Now come on. I bet Momiji gave these to the others. We gotta get them back." Haru and Rin raced down to get the bombs.  
>Momiji pranced off to Shigure, Ayame, Ritsu, and Hatori last. "Do you want some candy Hari?" Momiji asked.<p>

Hatori, another victim of the Great Fudge Mistake, also knew better than to get candy from Momiji.

"Oh! Candy! Gimme one! Gimme one!" Ayame and Shigure snatched Momiji's bag and dumped the last 5 in their hands.

"Aww I wanted one..." Momiji sniffed. All of a sudden, Rin and Haru ran up. Tohru, Yuki, Kyo, Kagura, Kisa, and Hiro followed behind. "Don't eat them! They're bombs!" Haru huffed out.

"Bombs?" Ayame and Shigure yelled. Shigure threw one of his over the side.

"Wait! Don't throw it over-" Hatori shouted,but was cut off by a BOOM.

"What the hell did you just blow up?" Kyo yelled. Everyone looked over the rail. Three little pairs of pigeon feet were stuck to a lower railing. A bunch of feathers floated around. Everyone turned to Shigure slowly. "You just blew up innocent little pigeons!" Kagura gasped.

"Oops..."

"Well you were hitting me with a pigeon a few minutes ago..." Kyo whispered into Kagura's ear.

"At least I didn't blow it up like Shigure!" Kagura hissed back.

"Well Momiji gave it to me!" Shigure whined.

"I got it from this man in a shadowy corner! It was really dark but he seemed like a nice man..." Momiji looked down.

"You never, ever, EVER go to strangers Momiji. You get kidnapped like that. Or killed." Hatori sighed, throughly exasperated.

"Wait everyone! All we have to do is get rid of-" Haru started.

"Get rid of them? Ok!" Ayame shouted. He quickly threw his 3 bombs off the side of the rail. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"HE DIDN'T MEAN THROW THEM OVER THE SIDE!"everyone yelled.

"Oh..." Ayame whispered.

"Ok...Now what did you blow up?" Kyo shouted. They looked over the rail again. Smoke and fire was pouring from two buildings on a side of the city, and a large hole in the middle of the street was stopping traffic.

"You see what you did? You blew up a part of Australia! If we're lucky enough not to go to jail, we might just end up on the news as terrorists!" Hatori told them.

"That's not good is it..." Shigure and Ayame whimpered.

"No it's not good idiots!" Hiro finished.

'Everyones mad...I know what to do!' Ritsu thought. "I'll save Sydney!" he announced. He grabbed a bomb from Tohru and one from Shigure. Ritsu's plan was to get to ground and bury the dangerous bombs so that no one but the local worms would get blown up. This did not happen. Ritsu was running to the elevator when he tripped and the bombs went soaring through the air. One landed on the cartoon kangaroo and blew it sky high.

"Yes! It is dead!" Hiro cheered.

"Hiro! Kyo glared.

"Dude I'm telling you. That thing was creepy." Hiro shrugged. Now the cute kangaroo was reduced to a pile of rubble that could only say "G-g-g-g-g-DAY! g-g-g-g-DAY!"

"Wait. Ritsu had two bombs." Kagura counted.

"Where's the other?" Momiji asked.

"I deactivated the other one that Tohru had." Haru smiled, very pleased with himself.

"Alright Haru! You are the best ag-" Ayame got cut short by a loud BOOM. *pause* "You are the worst agent ever! What kind of agent doesn't deactivate the bomb? Huh?" Ayame yelled.

"I just did that one! What happened?" Haru exclaimed.

"Hehehehe...sorry..." Rin chuckled nervously. Everyone turned to her.

"What did you do?" Shigure raised his hand and pointed for dramatic effect.

"Uhh...I was hungry so I took his deactivated bomb and...ate it...and switched it with an activated one."

Mouths dropped open. "You ate the deactivated bomb?" Hatori said.

"You switched the bombs on me? Where did you get the other bomb? I only had eight." Haru asked, bewildered.

"I've been hungry all day long! I had to eat something! Did you want me to eat an active bomb? And Haru, you werent paying attention when I switched them so it didn't matter. And I keep a small bomb with me at all times." Rin answered.

"Why do you have a bomb with you? Carry mace or a knife or something! That's what normal people do!" Kyo yelled.

"I am not normal! I'm different!" Rin yelled back and then stood behind Haru.

"I wonder what she blew up..." Yuki said.

"Ok let's just get out of here. Everybody to the stairs!" Haru shouted. They went past screaming tourists and ran all the way to the bottom. Jess spotted them and ran up. "Guys! Some stuff in the city has been blown up! City police are trying to-" Jess saw their sheepish faces.

"You guys blew up the city didn't you." she said bluntly. Everyone nodded yes.  
>"Damn...ok everyone into the car so that we can leave the country and not get sued for damages that we caused." she sighed.<p>

They were about to walk out when a bunch of people who looked like reporters swarmed them. "G'day mates! Are you ok? Tell us what happened! G'day mates! G'day mates! G'day mates!" they pushed microphones into their faces and said 'G'day mates' more than anything else.

"What is a 'G'day mate'?" Ayame asked.

"Get those things out of my face!" Kyo yelled.

"Back off!" Haru pushed some reporters back.

"Everybody get the limo!" Jess shouted over the reporters' G'days. The group made a beeline for their limo and raced back to the airport, avoiding a large hole in the road.

"Man...I hate reporters." Shigure said.

"It's not like they interview you all the time." Yuki said.

"Yuki, Yuki, Yuki."Shigure chuckled. "I'm an author. I'm famous!" he said.

"Nobody cares Shigure." Kyo shot him down.

"Does anyone know what I blew up?" Rin asked. She looked out the window. They were passing the Sydney Harbour Bridge, which had a very big crater in the middle of it. "Oh...never mind." she whispered.

"I wonder how that bomb reached the bridge? We were so far away..." Tohru wondered.

"I put mini-rockets on my bombs..." Rin said quietly.

"Who does that?" Kyo exclaimed.

"I do! It's a hobby! Now shut it!" Rin shouted.

"I wanted to go to our next place...aww..." Momiji frowned.

"There's no way we could anyway. Not after SOME SMART PEOPLE blew it up." Hiro taunted.

"Hiro..." Kisa softly said.

"Yeah yeah." Hiro said, but he did stop the teasing.

"Well we can't ever come back to Australia ever again...what a waste of a trip." Hatori sighed.

They arrived at the airport and boarded the plane. Everyone went to the seats area and prepared for takeoff. After they were in the air, everyone got up and was about to separate for the night.(Yes, blowing up a city takes a long time. That's why it's already nighttime.)

"I still don't know what G'day means!" Ayame exclaimed.

"It means good day. You're so stupid." Yuki said.

"Oh...thank you brother! Just for that, I'll give you a present!" Ayame winked at Kyo. Kyo smirked back.

"I don't want anything from you." Yuki said simply.

"Oh but you will get it my brother...you will get it..." Ayame said all creepy and went to the Sleeping Quarters. Kyo laughed and went upstairs.

"Freaks of nature..." Yuki grumbled and went up.

"Haru! This is going on your record!" Jess was in Agent Mode and was scolding him severely.

"Aww...come on...it wasn't that bad..." Haru whined.

"Haru...You blew up Sydney,Australia."

"Part of it."

"Haru. It's going on the record."

"Aww fudge." Haru sighed.

"Aww fudge is right. Now go get ready for bed. We'll be at our next destination by morning. Be on the watch for Akito at all times."

"Ok..." Haru nodded and went to bed like the others.

So after a day of blowing up parts of a Australia, the Sohmas retired to the Sleeping Quarters. Tomorrow would be even crazier.

-AKITO'S HQ-

"FAILURE!" Akito was screeching at Quincy.

"Sorry boss. They were blowing stuff up."

"Yeah with the BOMBS that you gave them! Bones would have been much less hurtful."

"But-"

"No buts!"

"Hehehehe..." Kureno giggled.

"Shut up Kureno!" Akito yelled, then went back to Quincy. "Quincy! You are to be put on stand-by for any later missions! And I doubt that you'll get anything except for a mission to the local fish market!" Akito screeched.

"Aww boss...nobody ever does anything on stand-by..." Quincy muttered.

"Oh well! You FAILed. That's how it works. Now, as they say in Australia, J'DAY!" and he signed off from his communicator.

"Akito? It's G'Day not J'Day." Kureno said.

"Oh. Really? Hold up!" Akito called Quincy back.

"Hey boss."

"G'day to you!" and then Akito hung up again.

"There we go. Everyone is stupid and I'm EVIL." Akito smiled coldly. "Now we wait for the next place those idiots go to, and make sure our next person doesn't FAIL." Akito evilly stroked his EVIL cat and prepared for the Sohmas' next destination.

* * *

><p>Ok peoples, chapter 8 will be out soon.(Again, hopefully.) Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Flames are allowed, but please don't be too harsh people. (I know its bad just dont kill me...) Make sure to review please! :3<p> 


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